Excitement. Inadequacy. Thrill. Doubt. Expectant. Worry. Contentment. Nervousness. Happiness. Sadness. Joy. Apprehension.
I can honestly say I have felt all of these emotions just in the past week. Things are getting so real right now. In less than 3 weeks (how is that even possible?!) I will go to Atlanta for our last few days of training until we launch out to Indonesia. Then I will not return home for 11 months. I am leaving all of my favorite people, job opportunities, and my home for the past 22 years to pursue this calling God has placed on my life. The reality of it all is hitting hard, and if I’m honest, my emotions just don’t know what to do about it.
How the heck do I pack for 11 months into one backpack?
What if something happens while I’m gone?
Am I even spiritual enough to do something like this?
Do I actually know what I’ve gotten myself into?
As I’m working through last minute details and trying to figure out everything to prepare, these questions can’t help but slip into my mind. I’m no stranger to feelings of inadequacy, as I talked about a few months ago. But when I say I don’t feel qualified, I couldn’t mean it more right now. In my heart I know I am just where God wants me and that this is where He will use me and grow me most; it is just taking a little bit longer for my brain to get there. And I’m ok with that because it just reminds me that I am human and He is God. His ways are so much higher than mine, and I am clinging to that in this season.
The next year is full of unknowns. And if I’m being completely honest, that makes me nervous. However, I serve an Omniscient God who has such incredible plans. He will challenge me and test me, but through it all I will grow ever-closer to Him. Nothing beats that.
God can do so much through a willing person. This truth was brought to mind this week and brought so much peace. Sure, I am not the most religious person for the job. And sure, I don’t really know what I’m doing. But because of that I get to trust in God that much more through this journey. That brings me so much peace.
“Blessed is he whose help is in the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, the Maker of Heaven and earth, the sea and everything in them- the Lord, who remains faithful forever.” Psalm 146:5-6
***Also, to everyone who donated to my trip- THANK YOU!!! I can’t say it enough!! I wouldn’t be fully funded without you! I feel so incredibly blessed.
