I’ve been engaged to the amazing Jacob Hoyer now for about three weeks. He asked me to marry him down on one knee in the aisle of the barn at my home in North Carolina on a chilly October morning while my beloved herd of horses chewed their breakfast of hay and grain. My fingers were caked with dirt from scratching dirty equine bellies and bottoms but it was completely appropriate. My relationship with Jacob has been characterized from the beginning as low in frills and high on intention.
I had a moment on Saturday night as I was worshiping where I was completely overcome with thanksgiving to God for where I am, where I’ve come from and where I’m going. I was sitting in the living room of my soon-to-be home overlooking the square in Gainesville, GA. The room was full of dear friends that have spoken deeply into the places of my heart and life, even when those places were dark. And across from me in the room singing his heart out was this man who wants to marry me. I was almost undone because I couldn’t for the life of me retrace all the steps that brought me there to that living room. I knew there were a lot of steps. Millions, even. But I knew I didn’t do it. I didn’t make any of those steps happen; I knew I took millions of steps but in that moment my effort and attempts seemed to be so small. I didn’t make this happen. All of a sudden the grace over my life seemed so huge, so weighty, so abundant that the only thing I could do was cry. It was like a moment of realization that I had to digest this grace that I had been feasting on with such little awareness for years.
The point of this blog is not to say that I am ridiculously happy (although I am ridiculously happy). The point is that I’m so glad to be part of something that I didn’t contrive or manipulate or build on my own. All of this life, my journey, my relationships, my marriage is unto something greater- and that greater thing is not something as insignificant as my happiness. The thing that makes it all matter is the Kingdom.
The Lord has been revealing that there are places that Jacob and I will go that we couldn’t have gone alone. Of course sacrifice will be central, we’ll refine each other along the way and figure life out as we go- but we know that what we are doing matters and who we are becoming matters.
I think we have a lot to look forward to.
