You may be familiar with the quote from the movie 13 Going On 30 that every girls hears from her friends and co-workers when that big shift from her 20's to 30's sneaks up:
"Thirty, flirty, and thriving."
I suppose it's meant to make you feel like you've "still got it" and that turning thirty doesn't mean life as you know it is ending. When I turned 30 in November, several of my squad mates consoled me by quoting this line to me. But one dear, funny, and YOUNG (21 at the time, now a wise 22) friend of mine quipped, "More like thirty, single, and sad."
Ouch.
Me with the then 21 one year old Mer…love her!
I laughed this off at the time and I truly did know she was joking with me (at least I think so), but it has come back to mind over the last 8 months. I do wonder if I give off that vibe sometimes.
There are times when I do feel sad about my current status. 30 (closing in on 31), no husband and no children.
I'm returning home in less than two weeks, single with no prospects (wah-wah), and moving back into my parents' home for the time being. By the world's standards, this is sad.
But I am reminded of the truth that I am not defined by the status box I check when filling out a form or what milestones I should have reached according to the world's standards by now. I also remind myself that I have just lived out an adventure seeing 12 countries in 4 continents over this past year. And it has been an amazing once in a lifetime story.
Another friend on the squad asked me in Month 9 what advice I would give her (25 years old) regarding singleness. I didn't answer immediately. But as I thought about my 20's…my failed first dates, my strivings to make relationships work, and all the emotional ups and downs…the words, "Don't discount it because there is a gift in the waiting" kept coming to mind.
Vanessa, my sassy and classy sister-friend
Personally, I've always despised hearing that singleness is a gift. If it's not what I want, how can it be a gift? However, when I stop and think about my years of singleness, there have been so many amazing aspects of being single in my 20's and now as I start my 30's.
I highly value my independence (too much maybe?) which affords me the ability to choose how to spend my leisure time, pursue a master's degree, volunteer in youth ministry, take weekend trips, and to leave home and job for 11 months to travel and do missions.
Most of all though, in this waiting, God has drawn me close. He shows me more of who He is and how He loves me. I am waiting on Him with Him.
Yes, I can't wait for the day when God does bring a man into my life who becomes my husband. I am so excited to meet the man whose core and heart beat are in tune with mine, who will pursue and cherish me relentlessly.
But until then, I will strive to be thirty, single, and not sad…but satisfied.
Thirty, Single, and Satisfied.
The heartache and sadness I may occasionally feel now is nothing compared to what I would feel if I settled and married the wrong person.
Concentrating on the gifts in my life now, cultivating faithfulness, and continuing to pray for my future is the best way to be content and satisfied with the wonderful life I am blessed to live.
And I continue to claim these promises:
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still."
-Exodus 14:14
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him."
-Psalm 37: 3-7
In Month 7, I read a book by Gary Thomas called The Sacred Search. His straightforward and insightful writing really impacted me and the way I think about finding and choosing a spouse.
This month, I have been listening to a six-part sermon series, "Boy Meets Girl" by Louie Giglio from Passion City Church. He brings the truth and lays it down.
I highly recommend both of these resources if you are in a season of waiting, searching, dating, engagement, or even if you're already married.
