Before launching on the World Race, my days would start with a shower, a cup of coffee, and a list of what I needed to do for the day running through my head. My mental to-do list then became a written one, with the expectation that I would have each item checked off by the end of the day. I would measure my productivity and success based on how much I accomplished: emails, graded papers, meetings, tutoring, etc. And I would squeeze time in with Jesus.
But when I found myself waking up on the Race with less responsibilities and so much flexibility in how my day was structured, I started reflecting on how different I was living life on the race as compared to before. Full-reliance on God is my only option here and communion with Him gives me strength for each day.
But really, it’s my only option all the time, no matter where I am. I am deceived if I think I’m in control, that if my to-do list and my timeline is what moves my life in the right direction. How foolish of me.
Looking back through my journal, I found an entry from April 1, 2012 where I wrote the words from the Jesus Calling devotional:
This is what I desire. To be close with my God throughout each day, letting nothing get in the way.
At the beginning of my third month on the Race, my team (Team Degel at the time) joined Team Fierce Pursuit in Swaziland. My friend Amy (now on my team!), shared with us what she called “soaking in the hot tub” with Jesus. She was reading Brennan Manning’s book, The Signature of Jesus. He explains contemplative prayer as a time of about 20 minutes to “show up and shut up” to just be in God’s presence. There is some structure to the prayer so that distraction doesn’t creep in during the 20 minutes, but the purpose is to be quiet before the Lord. As hard as it was at first for me not to have my own words running through my head, I found the time of being with God, soaking in His presence, and meditating on who He is to be so renewing. I
heard Him whispering, “Just be with me.”
As I have disciplined myself in this, I have grown to see how important it is to come before the Lord in stillness. I don’t have to present my requests to Him, tell Him my worries, or give Him thanks for all the ways He loves and blesses me each time I pray. He desires for me to listen to Him, instead of always hearing from me.
And in order for that to happen, I have just be with Him. When I spend time with Jesus, I am putting my agenda aside and giving my day over to Him. He directs me, and with His Spirit I know what is important…not my to do list, but His plans for my day and my life.
