Do you ever have one of those stories that you’re SO eager to tell others, but when you try to tell the story you realize it doesn’t make sense to anyone accept the people who were there? If it’s a funny story, your listener may give a nervous/pity laugh just to break the awkward tension, but it’s blatantly obvious that only those who were present will understand.
World Race training camp is that story.
I’ve been home for three days and, still, every time I’ve tried to even think about how to blog about training camp, my mind has gone a million different directions and I’ve found it impossible to settle on an angle I thought might properly depict what happened in Toccoa Falls, GA last week. Finally, I felt God telling me that sometimes I focus too much on the intricate details and that I should allow readers to catch a glimpse of many parts of training camp instead of elaborate, unnecessary details of just one aspect (like I tend to do). Well, He IS the Boss. So here’s an overview.
The first night of training camp, we had a teaching on three of AIM’s six steps for preparing to go: abandonment—leaving some stuff behind, brokenness—“I can’t do this anymore”, and dependence—losing your life to find it as Jesus says in Matthew 10:39 and Luke 17:33 (the other three are empowerment, calling, and confirmation). Our speaker said that if we opened our hearts and our minds that throughout the week, we would undergo this “process” and experience God in completely new ways. Because of these descriptions, I cooked up in my head a vision of myself face down on the floor, crying hysterically (despite the fact that I rarely cry over anything), calling out in anguish to the Lord, similar to what I imagine David was doing in Psalm 31:1-13. Because that never happened, I left training tired, yet rejuvenated by and thrilled from the week I had had, but secretly wondering why I had never gone through the “process”. It wasn’t until I had gotten home from training camp and began to debrief the week’s events that I realized it had happened, just not as I had expected.
Before I even knew about the “process”, and even before I had left for training camp, it all started with abandoning my lifestyle—a closet exploding with clothes and shoes, a relative schedule, regular A/C, a place to store things except for in a 70-L backpack, living in a house, holding a "normal" job, among other things.
I was broken in knowing that, although I hate to admit it, I can be a little high maintenance and am definitely an extreme over-packer. I didn’t know how I was going to fair living out of a backpack for a week, let alone for a year! I became dependent on the Lord for wisdom and guidance in packing, for a peaceful spirit about the unknown, and for not finding my identity in the things I could bring, but because of who I am IN HIM (there may be more coming on this later; talk about a breakthrough!).
I was broken in knowing that, although I hate to admit it, I can be a little high maintenance and am definitely an extreme over-packer. I didn’t know how I was going to fair living out of a backpack for a week, let alone for a year! I became dependent on the Lord for wisdom and guidance in packing, for a peaceful spirit about the unknown, and for not finding my identity in the things I could bring, but because of who I am IN HIM (there may be more coming on this later; talk about a breakthrough!).
My closet/home for the next year.
This pack was actually borrowed from a friend and I'll be buying my own
before the Race, but you get the idea (:
I abandoned my comfort and my sleep. Let me just throw this out there: I sleep on a bed called the PRINCESS BED with three fluffy pillows and a mountaineer teddy bear named Montie. Last week I slept in a tent on a 2.5 inch sleeping pad with a donut pillow and no Montie and will be doing so for the next year.
After only the first two nights I was broken down into exhaustion and crankiness, but that only allowed a deeper dependence on the Holy Spirit for energy, patience, enthusiasm, and rest even in a lack of sleep. By no means am I a morning person, but every day God was faithful in giving me the motivation to get up and get ready and stamina to keep me going throughout the days. I remember saying on more than one occasion, "I don't know why I've been so energized in the mornings; I've barely slept and usually I'm the person who wants to punch the early risers." Power of the Holy Spirit, baby!
After only the first two nights I was broken down into exhaustion and crankiness, but that only allowed a deeper dependence on the Holy Spirit for energy, patience, enthusiasm, and rest even in a lack of sleep. By no means am I a morning person, but every day God was faithful in giving me the motivation to get up and get ready and stamina to keep me going throughout the days. I remember saying on more than one occasion, "I don't know why I've been so energized in the mornings; I've barely slept and usually I'm the person who wants to punch the early risers." Power of the Holy Spirit, baby!
Some of the I-Squad's portion of tent city!
I (and the rest of my squad) abandoned social and hygienic boundaries. During the first couple days, many people already knew others were, not because we had met, but because we had all Facebook creeped on each other so extensively. What’s more is that we weren’t embarrassed to admit it! It was actually pretty hilarious. We burped. We ate with our fingers. We sweat and got dirty. We talked about poop. We went days without showering and brushed our teeth using water bottles.
This time, instead of us being broken down, the walls that could keep us from true and sincere Christ-centered fellowship were broken down and we were built up as a squad. We became dependent on the Lord for obedience in honesty, complete vulnerability, and tremendous comfortability (let's face it; if someone can love you when you've been sweating non-stop and haven't showered for a few days, they can love you anytime). We became FREE!
This time, instead of us being broken down, the walls that could keep us from true and sincere Christ-centered fellowship were broken down and we were built up as a squad. We became dependent on the Lord for obedience in honesty, complete vulnerability, and tremendous comfortability (let's face it; if someone can love you when you've been sweating non-stop and haven't showered for a few days, they can love you anytime). We became FREE!
The strangers of different ages, from different states, from different
backgrounds, with different life experiences who within a week became a family
because of the same love for Jesus and the same heart for spreading His Good News.
I SQUAD, YOU KNOW!
Along the same lines, I abandoned the things I relied on to make me “beautiful”. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not one to use a ton of make-up or be super dressy all the time, but I do wear light make-up every day and tend to seek identity in bright, funky clothes and shoes. That, clearly, was not the case at training. Almost the whole week was spent in athletic shorts, t-shirts, no make-up, and a ball cap to cover my greasy mop of a head. My only means of making myself feel girly for the week was a yellow flower I wore in my hair close to every minute of every day.
I was broken in anxiety and insecurity of how I would look after three days of not showering and not wearing any make-up (even the little bit that I usually do). But I became dependent on the Lord for unconditional love, from Him and from others, and for assurance that I am beautiful because I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and the pot cannot tell the potter He made it wrong (Isaiah 29:16). Again, I became FREE! and my Father helped me make HUGE strides towards becoming completely content in how He created me.
I was broken in anxiety and insecurity of how I would look after three days of not showering and not wearing any make-up (even the little bit that I usually do). But I became dependent on the Lord for unconditional love, from Him and from others, and for assurance that I am beautiful because I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and the pot cannot tell the potter He made it wrong (Isaiah 29:16). Again, I became FREE! and my Father helped me make HUGE strides towards becoming completely content in how He created me.
My gorgeous sisters Raychel Manko, Katie Noble, and Ashli Blackwell.
So blessed by their bright smiles, silly personalities, and encouraging words!
Notice the ball cap and flower (:
Finally, I abandoned my idea of what worship should look like. I usually consider myself to be blessed with open-mindedness and worship really is one of the ways I feel the presence of God the most. When I feel the Holy Spirit stirring in me, I love to lift my hands in praise of the utmost Worthy One. But I have to admit, the first couple days of worship at training pushed me far outside of where I was comfortable, so much that at times I couldn’t even focus on actually worshipping but only on what was happening around me. I just wasn’t used to the random outcries, colorful jumping and dancing, and many of the other expressions of worship that were going on.
I was broken in close-mindedness, maybe even to the point of judgment. But I became dependent on the Holy Spirit for a heart and mind of understanding to realize that everyone’s worship style isn’t the same and that’s okay. Then I felt God telling me that I was too wrapped up in what others thought about me as I worshipped and that I needed to break free of my need to please others. By mid-week, I was jovially dancing and jumping around in worship as well; I didn’t care who was watching or how I looked and it was awesome.
I was broken in close-mindedness, maybe even to the point of judgment. But I became dependent on the Holy Spirit for a heart and mind of understanding to realize that everyone’s worship style isn’t the same and that’s okay. Then I felt God telling me that I was too wrapped up in what others thought about me as I worshipped and that I needed to break free of my need to please others. By mid-week, I was jovially dancing and jumping around in worship as well; I didn’t care who was watching or how I looked and it was awesome.
"With Everything" World Race training camp style.
For a video of this worship session/dance party, click here.
Even if it wasn’t in the way I had initially expected, it’s easy to see how I went through the “abandonment, brokenness, dependence” process during training camp; and, as assured on the first night, I certainly experienced the presence of God and the power of the Holy Spirit in new ways.
The same evening as the “Preparing to Go” message, we heard a teaching on deserting our expectations. Lesson learned.
