In a blog about our month in South Africa, I wrote about seeing people through the eyes of Jesus. If you didn't catch that one, you can read it here. Through working at the school, Jesus taught me so much about loving when it was difficult by looking at people through His eyes instead of my own. Well this month, I've got more lessons about eyes to share.
About half way through our time in China I began to have problems with my eyes; they were constantly red, sore, and goopy, so for the rest of the month I wore my glasses and attributed these problems to the pollution. When we got to Beijing, I changed my contacts and continued on alright for a few days. However, when we got to the Philippines, my eyes EXPLODED. Now not only were they red, sore, and goopy, but they were watery, swollen, and stinging too, sometimes unbearably so. Back to glasses. The strangest part was that some days they would be fine and the next day be practically swollen shut, usually the days after I would try to wear my contacts again. I've had a few eye infections in the last couple years, so, despite the inconsistency of the symptoms, I figured that must be the problem. But after visits to two different doctors, that notion was disproved. Neither doctor had found any infection or abnormality, besides the obvious. I got a medication for the redness and swelling from the second doctor, but other than that, the visits felt pretty pointless.
After the doctor visits, I tried EVERYTHING. I tried the medication. I tried changing my contact solution. I tried fake tears, multiple allergy pills, and getting rid of my Chinese mascara. All the while, of course, I was constantly praying and being prayed over. NOTHING worked. Discouragement set in after attempt after attempt to find the root of the intense pain and swelling failed.
In case you didn't know, the Philippines is hot, hot, HOT. Being so used to my contacts, I quickly got annoyed with sweating in my glasses and having to incessantly push them back up on my face. For a while, I was able to tough it out and get over it, but the last week and a half or so that we were there, I spent a lot of time without contacts and without glasses. I'm pretty sure I can't legally drive without one of the two, so my life became a blur in all meanings of the word.
As I spent my days only seeing a fraction of what was going on around me, my heart began to break for all the things I felt like I was missing. "Lord, I love Your people and I want to see their faces," I prayed. "I want to see their expressions of joy and of sorrow and I want to experience the beauty of Your creation. Every step I take, I'm worried about falling. Jesus, what do I do?" Then, as always, He answered. He told me it was okay that I couldn't see their faces because beauty is only skin deep. It was okay that I couldn't see their expressions because He looks straight to the heart and so should I. It was okay that I couldn't see the creation because I learned other ways to "see" and experience Him. It was okay that I couldn't see where I was walking because 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, "We live by faith, not by sight." I literally depended on the Lord to guide my steps and to not let me fall (or walk into traffic). My life was a faith walk and my God was faithful.
But isn't that how life is sometimes? We become so blinded by worldly matters–by superficial beauty, by our problems, by our surroundings–that the only choice we have left is to finally surrender and trust that the Lord is directing our steps and won't let us fall (or walk into traffic). If you don't know it already, I'll be the first to tell you: when you let Him be in control He will NEVER let you fall. Don't let following the path He has set for you be your last resort because it's going to be a heck of a lot better than any path you can set for yourself.
Oh, and a week later after all this, Jesus healed my eyes. I now wear my contacts pain, swelling, and goop-free. Yepp, He's one good and faithful God (:
