In inviting the Lord into my quiet time one morning recently, I was thinking about how often the way we are in other relationships is a direct reflection of how we are with God.
And in thinking about that, I realized how often my hesitation in relationships with others is rooted in, “I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me.” Or “I’m afraid that we’ll never really understand each other”. The thing is that I become more and more keenly aware of how much fear still plays a debilitating role in my life.
Fear is the taproot of every hindering thing in my life.
To be honest, I really thought I had gotten rid of the majority of that issue on the Race. It certainly was addressed in a major way and I faced it head on more than once. I grew a lot in recognizing fear for what it was and took steps to work through it.
Now, it brings to mind our last month on the Race in Moldova, where our ministry was manual labor. Every other day we would switch off digging bricks out of deconstruction rubble piles to help build a rehabilitation center or pull weeds out of the grass and flower beds of the front lawn of the orphanage we lived in.
On one of the first days of weeding, a man from the church came out to the orphanage to help & show us the ropes around the place. He started pulling weeds out right and left and, before I knew it, over half of the area he was working on was done. When I saw how much he had completed, I had two initial thoughts:
- How on earth is he doing that so quickly?? (I was getting blisters from my slow & steady progress.)
- I really hope his method is actually as effective as it looks.
Turns out that this man didn't have much gardening experience because about 4 days later all the weeds started sprouting back up through the soil. He had only worked on what he could see, but had left the deeper roots.
I think that’s what happens in our lives a lot of the time. We address the surface area (or one side) of the issue, sometimes even the roots in the topsoil, (which honestly, is a great start), but what we don’t always keep track of is focusing on getting to the deepest part of the problem. Usually because that takes a little more digging around & getting dirtier than most of us would like to.
For me, that seems to look like accepting the change the Lord has brought into my life, but not always asking for more. Not asking for Him to help me weed-kill the deepest roots of the issue. Mostly because I know it won’t be easy & I’ll likely shed some tears from the pain, but more blatantly because fear is where I’m comfortable. I know how to function with fear more easily than I know how to function without it. Realistically, it’s something I am constantly working on, but would probably make more lasting progress by inviting Jesus in more readily to guide me & restore me.
What I have come to realize is that the Race was an incredible time in my life. It released so much heartache, brought light to the fears, ushered in healing & the presence of joy, and opened my eyes to the character of God. I was able to work & worship with some of the most humble, spirit filled Christians. The Race helped me see the first layer of issues (both personally and globally) and start processing those things more healthily. Overall, I was given such a unique glimpse into the beauty of God’s love around the world and I am still so very grateful for that opportunity.
The past year of being back in the States has shown me that I’M STILL ON THE JOURNEY. Completing the Race wasn’t the end. It was an adventurous kick-start to the newest phase in the expedition called “life” – to living a life to glorify, honor, and be used by Him. Thank goodness I wasn’t supposed to have it all figured out yet!
I have no idea where this journey will take me, but I do know that God has lead me to Gainesville, GA for the time being to work at Adventures in Missions. He has brought me to a place in life where I daily face a fear or two and has blessed me with people (near & far) who are willing to walk alongside me as I tackle one root at a time. With that being said, one of the best reminders I’ve had this year is that the journey isn’t about striving until you figure it all out and perfection is reached – It’s about letting go, trusting, and accepting the grace of God as He reveals the areas of your life that He desires to help us refine so that we can glorify Him in all that we do.
