As I slowly washed the dirt off of my feet, I sat reflecting on the events of the day, wondering how some days I wake up knowing that something great is on the verge of being birthed and other days I wake up oblivious to the Father whispering to me His desire to work through me.
While there are distinct times when I wish I could completely avoid the feeling of caked on dirt that comes with this ministry, I wouldn’t trade the marks that have been made in my heart for this country and for these children. Without fail, I have found that in the midst of my brokenness and inability to perform the Lord shows up and demonstrates His super abounding greatness. I stand in complete amazement at how mighty He is and how faithful He is to accomplish all that He desires. All He asks of me is a broken spirit and a contrite heart.
Donzula is an orphan. For the past week my team has been strategizing ways to locate this little girl who was ‘found’ by an AIM missionary on a previous trip to Swazi. In an honest reflection, I struggled with the idea of searching out one orphan girl in a country full of orphans. Give me any child and I’ll love them, but why devote so much time to finding this one little girl? Surely we could serve the Lord in so many more effective ways than driving around randomly asking people if they’d ever heard of Donzula.
We walked up to her house and watched, as if we were part of a movie, as a little boy took off running to bring back this little girl that we’d been searching for. As she approached in the distance, I wondered if it truly was her… soon enough the smile spread across her face reassured us that she was, in all reality, the same girl we had seen in so many pictures.
Chris Telfer stooped down to look her in the eyes and she shyly backed away, but as he reached out to pick her up, she willingly accepted his embrace. Looking at her, I wondered what thoughts were occurring in her young mind. Within moments, Telfer passed this little person to me and she comfortably buried her head in my shoulder. Without knowing how or why, I felt my heart melt. The words to Natalie Grant’s
Held, played through my mind… ‘This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from the life that you survive. This is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell we’d be held.’
My mind couldn’t wrap around what was happening in my chest…the injustice of the situation was too great. I couldn’t manage asking why…I only know what is and that it isn’t the way it was meant to be. Tears slowly crept down my cheeks, mingling with the dirt and leaving streaks of pure love on my face.
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27
I know that my Father’s heart cries for this one little girl to know how much He loves her. I know that He moved heaven and earth to be certain that she could stand in a field with me today and throw her arms out in the wind and twirl in circles before the Lord, praising Him…because He is worthy of all worship…above all circumstance, above all hurt, above all loss of hope…above anything created, He is worthy.
“See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety- nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety- nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.” Matthew 18: 10-14
I once was lost, and He left every other sheep he owned- all of them- to find me. All He wanted was me…He sought me out. When there were millions of other sheep crying for His care, He came and found me. He traded His life for mine.
I finally get it. He wanted me in the same way that my heart wants this one little African orphan. As I sat holding her, the tiredness of my arms was outweighed by the ache in my heart. I didn’t want to let go. How could I let go? The importance of the message in my heart for this one little girl had to be imparted to her. Does she know how valuable she is? Does she know how wanted she is?
I don’t understand it. I don’t know how He does it. Time and time again I offer my hands and heart and He takes them just as they are and puts the love of heaven in me. I don’t understand how in one moment I can be so caught up in the most insignificant details surrounding my own life and in an instant my heart is completely broken as I hold this one girl in my arms and realize that in that moment, nothing else matters in the world- Nothing. There isn’t anything more important to my Father than the one little girl I hold in my arms. He loves her. He infinitely loves her, so much so that he sent a team of crazy, radical Americans to seek her out of all the orphans in Swaziland and to love her. He takes that which is most precious to Him- one of His children- and drops her into my arms and trusts me to show her exactly how He feels in His heart when He looks at her.
I have great pics that I can’t get to upload, I’ll try again next time. Check out Chris’ blog for a few pics of this sweet girl.
