I love the movie Miss Congeniality…the super tom-boy of a lady cop who is transformed into a Beauty Queen to go under-cover for a police sting. She totally makes fun of the whole beauty pageant process…and then in the end after making friends with some of the contestants doesn’t think it’s quite so bad. I don’t think I’m quite there…I still totally make fun of it…the wave, the outfits, the fake smiles plastered on the women’s faces, and don’t even get me started on the cheesy talent portion of the contest! It’s just not me. Now I can say that…but the truth is when I was a little girl I still walked around the house with a hand-maid Miss America sash…so something in me thought it was cool at some point in time. What happened? When did Beauty become a contest?
There are different areas of my life that Jesus is challenging me involving beauty…and lately its mostly inner beauty I’m focusing on which also comes out in physical ways too. On the race a teammate coined me as Miss America because I LOVE AMERICAN food. I’m a picky eater and food on the race has been a challenge. There’s something about eating a pizza or a burger and fries with a Coke and feeling a bit like I’m at home for just a moment…grounded and in my happy place…wherever that is…but now…drinking a fruit smoothie has the same feel. When I don’t get my fruit…I miss it…kind like home.
Not entirely sure where I’m going with this all…but as this race has just 3 months to go I’m realizing there are some habits I still need to change…and others I really want to hold onto that are good for me…and its less about a beauty contest but more about intimacy with Christ and how He sees me…and how He is calling me up and out of a life of mediocrity and bad habits. I may never give up pizza and burgers…but I want to crave comfort and peace from God first. I want to play with kids the rest my life and that involves being able to RUN with them…yeah…that’s a new development. It’s not going to be pretty…but if God and my ankle allow it I’m going to start running…Again? A somewhat hidden secret I have…kind like beauty contest haters like myself is that I kind of enjoyed my version of “running” that I started to do in Taiwan…and quickly did the best I could do to forget about when I returned home…it involved work and discipline…ewww! It wasn’t even so much about the run…but it was a different way to worship God with my whole body…and THAT was beautiful…and I have to admit…I actually kind of miss it.
Another thing I’m learning about is so called “quiet” times. Sometimes they are loud…listening to Christian rap. Sometimes they are actually quiet just listening and NOT journaling or reading my bible but just letting God speak…whoa!
Fasting…well…I don’t know much about that yet…I haven’t really stepped into that or consistently completed a fast without sneaking food or getting on the internet when I said I wouldn’t…but I think there are things I COULD fast from…maybe like still working on making better choices with munchies or not eating between meals. God has been healing my heart and body and I don’t want to take that for granted or let that go to waste. Some weight loss on the Race involved being really sick for a month but some of it was believing in truths and letting go of things that hindered those truths. Also, this month with very little internet was almost like fasting internet and it wasn’t as painful as I thought. I got to read some good books…and some books were for sheer pleasure involving adventure and tough warrior chick type people…and some were related to Jesus too…I had forgotten how much I enjoyed reading…it was GREAT! So maybe fasting doesn’t have to look like all pain and drudgery…maybe fasting can be a pleasant God-ordained way of worship too.
I may still be awkward and may not have this Beauty Stuff all figured out yet…but I don’t mind being called Miss America…it kinda suits me. God’s doing a new thing…and I kinda dig it…contest or not this is God’s story.
