I am a chicken
Before you lock me up…let me explain. I am NOT actually a barnyard animal…what I’m trying to say is that I am weak and make wimpy choices. There are regrets that are eating away at me and I’m not sure what to do with them other than to surrender them to Jesus. A big regret I have is wimping out when God first called me to a season of seeking His face and diving deeper into the study of His word….i.e doing a discipleship school with Youth with a Mission. I feared man…that they would think I was just seeking adventure and I feared raising money for such a trip that involved studying the bible and doing a few short months of outreach to several countries…would people support that? I didn’t jump into it / step into it and just GO FOR IT…and if there’s anything being on the World Race has taught me is that sometimes you just have to do reallllllly incredibly stupid things in the name of Jesus and beg for forgiveness later. I think I’m doing that now. I’ve been wrestling with different truths and this is what I know to be true at this point in my life…
Truth 1: I am totally and completely in love with Jesus and always will be.
Truth 2: Saul/Paul was a whole lot of crazy and his parents and friends probably didn’t always see eye to eye with him jet setting around the world and serving Jesus. I may be labeled a gypsy, a wander, and “all over the place” but I’m God’s Gypsy and right or wrong I’m going to do the best/worst I can to continue to seek Him and what He has for my life…even if it looks completely INSANE to the rest of the world. I am called to the nations…whether for the rest of my life or for a bit longer of a season than I had imagined…I AM CALLED.
Truth 3: I’m struggling with how to be a decent human (less SELF-ish) to people I really love and care about and miss dearly. I really truly do have moments where I just want to live close to home and just live life. I hope and pray God will allow me to do that sometime soon…a whole different set of regrets I’m battling through…not loving my friends and family well.
Truth 4: In May I will be completing an 11 month mission trip to 11 countries called the World Race. It has rocked my world and left me realizing there is still a lot of growth and change God desires in my heart…but most of all He desires me and an intimacy with Him I never knew we could have.
Truth 5: I have a story to tell…its God’s story and I believe He wants to shape it into a children’s book to share spiritual truths with children…with lots and lots of pictures.
Truth 6: I am completely in-love with Haiti, with camp ministry, and adoption and am convinced God is going to use these passions for His good in the near future.
Truth 7: God has challenged this chicken to DO two things…spend some additional time in Haiti AND a discipleship school with Youth with a Mission (most likely in New Zealand) in the near future…possibly January/February 2015. He is redeeming my fears and failures for His plans and purposes that far outweigh mine. If God can feed the 5,000 and the 4,000 and both times have bread left-over surely He can guide me through fundraising…again. God has a track-record of doing the IMPOSSIBLE…and eventually this TRUTH will sink in.
