World Race Training Camp.
[Four Words] that carry so much depth for anyone who has experienced the physical, mental, emotional & most importantly spiritual stretching that takes place. I went to camp knowing God was going to wreck me, but I did not realize to what extent and how He was going to build me back up.
Training camp was [intense]. I was physically uncomfortable, which allowed my walls to be broken down very quickly. My tent or my {home} for the next year, was setup within feet from the next person so as you can imagine, everyone got real close real fast. In addition to that, there was no running water. If I wanted to shower – I filled up a freezing cold 5 gallon bucket of hose water and thought about warm hugs – therefore, I only took two showers in ten days – {Praise the Lord} for deodorant; and lots of it.
Now that I am home enjoying warm showers and my comfy bed, I am even more nervous [and excited] for the next 11 months of my {life}. That leads me to being mentally challenged. The World Race requires all racers to complete a timed [35 minute] hike with your full pack. As an FYI, my pack weighed about 40 lbs – that is my niece {Tatum} & nephew {Ross} combined.
For me, this didn’t come down to the physical pain, which was definitely apparent – it came down to my mental pain. Halfway through the hike my head was telling me “Just quit! You don’t even want to go on The World Race! This is stupid!” – which was obviously a huge lie the enemy was telling me. I felt [so] discouraged. But almost as immediate as those thoughts took over – they disappeared. I started sprinting. Yep, I was sprinting – [numb feet and all]. I was not going to quit. I was going to finish.This is what He called me to do! I had prayed to be uncomfortable and that is where I was at. He had brought me here. He would bring me through it.
I finished the hike with [two minutes] to spare. I’m convinced I had nothing to do with it. I believe He carried me the last half mile – I’ve never felt more accomplished in my life or more happy something was over.
We had a lot of sessions with various topics but {Pain & Emotion} seemed to be a theme at training camp. Like I said, I knew training camp was going to wreck me emotionally but I didn’t know how fast it would hit – or how [hard]. I’m a person that deflects emotion, whether it’s with humor or disengagement. I am not someone who enjoys talking about my emotions or being vulnerable. I find it [found it] a sign of weakness.
We had a speaker and former World Racer [Carly Brown] who talked about {Pain & Emotion} early on at Training Camp. She talked about when we shut down the negative emotions (which are completely normal) we are shutting down half of who we are – who we were created to be. We have to acknowledge the pain, treat it and do work on it; in order for it to heal. If we don’t deal with our emotions – they will deal with us. [Trust me on that one].
Another great point she made was how easy it is to say “time heals all wounds.” That is a cop out – it’s a {process}. We need to be mindful of Who our Healer is and His name is not “time.” Discovering and [owning] our pain is the first step to becoming self-aware of our emotions. For so long I put my emotions, my raw pain, my shame, my insecurities, my struggles – on the shelf to “deal with later.” Those emotions festered and started running my life. I became bitter and angry. I didn’t know who I was and I didn’t care. I would hurt anyone that was in my way in order to “protect myself”.
When I finally decided to “Pour it Out” [second step] – I felt lighter. Relieved. Ready to fight for my {freedom}. It wasn’t easy, in fact it has taken me [10 years] to do so. 10 years to break {free} from the most monumental choice of my life – but once I was ready, I let Him have it all. He died for me, so why was I trying to carry this heavy burden around my neck? Why did I think I could do it on my own? He already took that burden, that pain. Hearing Carly talk just reaffirmed that I am already walking on the road to [redemption] and I am {excited} to see what He has in store for me.
Lastly, she talked about learning to feel your pain and receive comfort. Engage in the Lord – don’t analyze it. Take everything to Him; which is easier said than done. He already knows, so there’s no hiding. He’s a gentleman and waited until I was ready. He waited almost 10 years for me to come to Him. He waited for me and when it was time, I came running; sprinting.
“Ever Be”
You’re making me like you
Clothing me in white
Bringing beauty from ashes
For You will have Your bride
Free of all her guilt and rid of all her shame
And known by her true name and it’s why I sing
The World Race Training Camp was a place where I could feel the Holy Spirit’s presence for the first time in a long time. I was spiritually free. I was able to praise my God in whatever way I felt led. I allowed the Holy Spirit to {hold me, teach me, remind me, forgive me, cover me, love me}. It was the [first] time as an adult that I was overcome from head to toe with His goodness. I felt like a child. I felt like a little girl looking up at her daddy with my arms spread wide waiting for Him to pick me up and hold me. To comfort me. To tell me it’s all alright. That I’m safe. That I’m His and no one else’s. That he’s protecting me. That I am a beautiful daughter of the king. That I am a child of God.
