Someone once told me that “God has to break us in order to put us back together better than before.” Everyone goes through seasons of brokenness in their life. It’s a time when the Lord prunes and purges in order to prepare us for what He has next. It’s inevitable, it’s necessary, and God used Zambia to break me.
In Malawi I jumped face first into the sea of trust with the Lord. I gave Him everything I had. I preached in churches, schools and prisons. I led bible studies in homes. I prayed healing over the sick. I played with children. I practiced door to door evangelism. I led 6 people to the Lord.
I trusted Him ruthlessly.
I left Malawi feeling amazed at all the things the Lord had used me to do. I finally realized that if I trusted Him, He would use me.
As soon as we got to our rest location for a few days before heading to Zambia it hit me, I felt drained and aimless; drainless. I had literally given everything I had in Malawi. I hadn’t been taking from the overflow. I had been emptying myself completely, and it showed.
I was on the beach one night staring at the stars in the sky and I asked God to show me what He had for me for the next month. I was ready for Him to give me something big. He did so much in Malawi and I was ready to go to the next level in Zambia.
Be still. I heard.
I’m sorry, what? What was that? Did I hear that right? Be still? Be still! What the hell does that even mean? Be still? Come on! Now is not the time to be still. Now is the time for big things to happen! Didn’t you see how awesome Malawi was? I want some more of that!
I was angry.
Be still. He said again. Be still.
Okay, okay. I let that marinate in my head. Be still. Does he literally mean to not move? To freeze in motion?
No, he meant to wait.
So I waited.
And waited.
And waited some more.
During this time, God was quiet. Looking back, I realize that He was testing me. He wanted to know if I ruthlessly trusted Him when the big things weren’t happening. When things were quiet.
He wanted to know if I would trust Him, even when He was still. When I was still.
So I did, and it was really really hard.
I realized God was breaking me. He was pruning and purging parts of me I no longer needed. Legs of fear, eyes of guilt, hands of control. Parts I developed as natural habits of protection. Parts I no longer needed because He is the ultimate protector.
He had to break me in order to put me back together. So I could glorify Him, because really that’s what it’s all about, glorifying Him.
I spent a little over a month in brokenness and I’m still working through some of it. God is teaching me how to fall in love with Him, how to find my identity in Him, how to completely trust in Him.
We serve a God who wants us to be whole. He wants to prune and purge us to be who He created us to be, not the damaged goods Satan tells us we are. So be still, and know that He is God.
“Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” – Isaiah 64:8
