As I arrived in Chicago for launch, the familiar faces of my new family I met in July awaited me. Excitement had overtaken me and I was overwhelmed with love as we each came back together and shared stories about what had been going on since Training Camp. Catching up and getting to spend the week together was so great, but the sense of reality began to set in as the week in Chicago progressed. The closer it got to leaving, the more I realized what was really happening.
The idea of time really began to hit me and I questioned if I would even be able to handle being away from loved ones and my normal life for an entire year (even Starbucks! Just kidding…). I'm giving up so much.
I'm giving up precious time with friends and family. I'm giving up being able to serve and attend my church every Sunday. I'm giving up my wonderful job and the ability to see the precious children every weekend. I'm giving up Holidays with family. I'm giving up the chance to attend beloved friend's weddings and baby showers. I'm giving up the comfort of a nice cozy bed and the ability to always have a roof over my head, clean running water, a warm shower, clean clothes and air conditioner. All of these things and more began to overtake my mind and thoughts and I began to worry and question if I was really making the right decision.
I began to question God and ask Him if this is really what He was calling me to. It was in one of those moments that I remembered all the times God has already provided for me and pulled through for me even in the last minute just so that I was able to go on the World Race. Once I began to list all of the ways in which He has already provided for me, I realized that it was ridiculous to question what He has already called me to do.
It was in these moments that I felt God say,
"Why don't you just trust me? Let go of control."
I realized that although I may be leaving my comfortable life and choosing to live a life of abandonment, there is so much more meaning and opportunity behind the chance to go on the World Race than I even understand. I may be leaving my family and friends, but I have the opportunity to build relationships and community with not only the squad and team I am a part of, but with those around the world in search of feeling loved. I may be leaving my job back home, but God has called me out to be a missionary for the next 11 months and that is now my new career. I may be missing out on holidays, weddings and baby showers, but I get to share these things with my new family around the world. The comfort of a stable home with a comfortable lifestyle may be far out of reach from time to time, but God will teach me gratefulness and appreciation for what He provides, as well as what I have back home. I may have to wear the same clothes 4 days in a row, but I will learn to be thankful for the little things in life.
I will learn to love in ways I've never known before, I will learn the true definition of thankfulness, I will learn patience and to wait on God's timing, I will learn what it means to be completely and utterly transparent and trusting with others. Most of all, I will learn what it means to rely on God and no longer on my own strength. I will learn that worrying is wasteful and that ultimately, the Father's will and plan for my life will always triumph over what I feel things should look like. Learning to be content in the moment, no matter what is going on, will be a lesson that God will use to stretch me this year.
The biggest and hardest thing I am giving up is this:
I'm giving up CONTROL.
No longer will I try to control my situations and circumstances and try to fix them with worthless worry. I will no longer try to create my future or the way in which I believe things should look like, but in turn, I will allow God to challenge me and mold me into the person He is calling me to be. I will no longer cling to the past, but will focus my eyes only on the Lord and TRUST Him with all that I am. He has control of everything and for that, I am thankful! Once I released myself from the thought that I have to rely on my own strength, I felt free. God is leading me and without Him, I would be miserable amongst the circumstances life throws at us sometimes!
I write this as I sit in MALAYSIA!!! Stay tuned for a blog about my time here – our exhilarating travel experience, meeting Justin Bieber in the Malaysian hospital (wink), and our ministry here in Singai Petani!
Thank you again to all of my supporters – this experience is already changing my life and I hope that through my blogs and ministry here, it changes yours, too. 🙂
To all my friends and family – I love you and miss you DEARLY! I couldn't do this without any of your support. Thank you!!!
