I didn’t think reentry would be a difficult process for me. I’d been on countless mission trips before now. Well, alas, its been kinda an emotional roller coaster in some ways. I miss the deep sense of purpose I had when I was on the Race. These transition stages are never very easy, but God is faithful and I’ve learned to develop an attitude of faith. Things tend to turn out better on the other side of change.

Still doesn’t stop me from reveling in some sadness of leaving something that I loved and starting something new. New is great, but it can also feel big and scary, much like the Race did at first.

I was so excited for Project Search Light [PSL] to get here. PSL is a week saved for three weeks post-Race, where all squads who left on the World Race at the same time can all join together one more time for a few awesome days of worship, community [WR style], and personal coaching between ourselves and an Adventures In Missions [AIM] staff member to help us discern God’s voice and His next steps for our lives. I’d been crying and feeling anxious on and off for a few days up until this point, so needless to say I was pumped.

Well I get to PSL, reunite with squad mates [my parents came too:] eat food at the mess hall, worship, go to sessions. All of a sudden my burdens don’t seem like I’m peering through them under a magnifying glass. It’s gonna be okay.

There’s a word that continues to pop up this week in our sessions and through different speakers and AIM staff members.. that word is brokenness. I liked that topic to come up, cause I felt I could relate to it a lot in the past few days. But take it a step further, and the way people are using the term here, it is as if they are exalting it.

And I like it.

At our first night, Seth Barnes, who founded AIM and the World Race, talked to all of us in front of a quaint little sanctuary in Gainesville, GA. He shared with us how he had birthed AIM out of his own brokenness [he was literally sitting in his garage, having just been fired from his job when God put the idea of AIM on his heart]. Seth said how much he was drawn to those who continue to find themselves in broken places.. that God has a thing for broken people, and that usually brokenness means God is in the midst of doing something great.

Oh man. My heart swelled. Mostly with the thought of, “This place and these people get me!!”

You’d think they sit down and collaborate about the topic! I’ve been hearing it so much. And whenever I mentioned some of the challenges I was going through, I didn’t get the “Oh-no-worries-God’s-gonna-work-it-out”-while-I-pass-you-in-the-hallway type of response [that I know too well, cause I’ve given it A LOT]. The response I got was, “Brokenness is okay. Even beautiful. And with it often times a success follows.”

In one of our group sessions we learned this model that AIM developed as more and more people experienced the World Race, and as we all walk this path as believers trying to make a difference in the world:

1. Abandonment

2. Brokenness

3. Dependence

4. Empowerment

So, I guess you can pencil my name in next to #2. As we continue to walk this path God has us on, we repeat this process all over again, and again and again. I do see in my brokenness that I’ve scooted closer to God’s lap and wanted to rest my head on it over and over again, sometimes just to have a good cry.. and other times just to thank Him for what He’s done and how He’s never failed me while I wait for Him to show me what to do next.

I need him.. and it’s there that I see the beauty behind my brokenness.

So, if anyone tries to tell you different, I’m telling you that if your world feels like its falling apart.. it is OKAY to feel that way! Even fabulous! God hasn’t let you down before, and He is up to something.

In looking at that model, what stage in the process do you find yourself in?