I started off the month of January praying for the Lord to prepare my heart for this next year on the World Race and my life has been undergoing incessant reconstruction since then. Isn’t funny how the Lord is faithful to answer our prayers, but He does so in the opposite way we want him to? He’s working on my heart in all the areas I had caution tape around; calling me to explore parts of me I have been running away from and uncovering things I didn’t KNOW I needed to deal with until recently.
‘Relationship’ is the word of the month between the Lord and I. He is showing me that relationships are the most important thing we have in this human experience. I have always been an extraverted introvert. I love people but sometimes relationships feel hard to me. There have been times I have left conversations feeling drained emotionally… It just takes a lot out of me and I am sure others can relate. I am TERRIFIED of rejection and constantly trying to impress people is EXHAUSTING. Our relationship with God determines our relationships with others. The moment I am inauthentic with the Lord, my relationships with the people around me start to falter. When I am vulnerable and open with the Lord, I find myself vulnerable and open with others; there seems to be a direct correlation.
Sometimes I try to present myself as something I am not and hide the parts of me that aren’t pretty in an attempt to seem better than I am with my peers and with God. I have to constantly remind myself that HE KNOWS. I do not have to hide. He knows the ugly parts of me well and says He loves me the same.
I will be in constant community for the next year and the Lord is teaching me how to lean on others when I want to do things on my own. Isolation and “handling it myself” have been my ole’ reliable of coping mechanisms for most my life. I am learning that it takes strength to let people in when I am feeling vulnerable. He is teaching me to stop and take time to enjoy hugs from my friends even though I am not a physical touch person. We are made for community with others. I think since we aren’t able to interact Jesus in the flesh yet, sometimes He hugs us and communicates with us through the people around us. Learning to see others as a vessel for God to communicate has changed my life dramatically. Now, when someone pulls me aside and talks to me, I try to listen as if Jesus was speaking. For example, most of the time my dad will call to encourage me throughout my week. Once I started listening to him as if the Lord was speaking through him, suddenly “I am proud of you” and “I am here for you” did more for my soul than ever before. Hearing him say “You are working very hard and don’t think that goes unseen” would literally bring me to tears. It not only strengthened my relationship with Jesus – it also deepened my relationship with my dad! I could see him being used as a vessel for God’s love and it made me value his presence in my life even more.
If I believe that the Holy Spirit takes up residency in me (Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? 1 Corinthians 3:16) then why would I not believe that the Holy Spirit (who is part of the Trinity, therefore ONE – i.e. God the Father and Jesus) is not also capable of talking TO ME through the Christians around me. When I started to believe that, suddenly I could hear the Lord in ways I couldn’t before.
Community is hard and relationships are messy but there is no joy that surpasses that of having a brother (Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). I encourage us to make an effort to break down the walls that we all put up to protect ourselves… our image, our feelings, etc. and trust that the Lord will take care of us when we put ourselves “out there” SO THAT we can be comforted by Jesus through the people around us. It’s scary because you will inevitably get hurt. People will let you down and you will let people down… but the reward is worth the risk and at the end of the day, we can rely on the one relationship we have that will never fail.
“Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39
– E
P.S.
Of course, the Bible is the main resource that God will use to speak into our lives and if anyone says things that are in opposition to what the Bible states, be aware. There’s a reason we are called to actually know what the Bible says – so we aren’t lead astray by false doctrine.
