Going to be honest, writing blogs is quite the process for me. In other words a lot of procrastination happens.
This topic has been in my heart for a while now, I believe when we are going through transitions there is a lot of growth to be done which leads to obedience. Obedience is to live out what we have learned and not to take for granted or be swiped under the carpet. Or at least that’s what I do some of the time due to the fear of not fitting in.
Since I can remember my life has been filled with transitions, the earliest and most memorable one that I have is when my family (mom and sister) and I moved to the states back in 2006. The first year of our soon to be home was filled with challenges, pain and lots of growth. In the moments of frustration I felt I had no say in what was going on in my life, but God was at work. From an early age He started teaching me to be obedient to the changes He was creating. I have learned that life is not about asking why but rather to chose to trust in the mist of confusion.
A fact about life is that God uses all situations to teach us a lesson and to call us to higher grounds, we just have to be willing to listen to His voice and to obey his instructions. He makes good out of everything and we should not fear change or transitions, but I know that is a lot easier said than done.
Choosing to go on this journey is one of the most reckless decisions I have made in my life, but in the best way possible. The past month and half have been filled with laughs, tears and vulnerable conversations. By doing the World Race I chose to say Yes to all that God is calling me to do. To allow Him to heal areas of my life at His timing and not mine, saying yes to allowing all my team members to see the pretty and ugly about me, but most importantly saying yes to allowing God to love me through the people he placed on my team.
A little about me, it is very hard for me to ask for help from others. In a physical and emotional way. The lie that I put in my head was that I didn’t ask for help because my family and friends already have too much going on in their lives for me to add something else to their plate. God started working on removing that lie before me going on the race but He is not finished yet.
Before leaving for the World Race God opened my eyes to part of the lie that I was believing. He showed me that He placed the people I have in my life for a purpose, and the purpose is for us to live in community in every way; not just when it feels comfortable. At that moment I learned that I had to take ownership of those relationships, it’s not just about serving and loving them but also allowing them to serve and love me. I am worthy of being served and loved, but I had to believe that first, going to be honest. I am still working on believing that I am worthy of that. I know God is not done working on me and that brings great comfort.
The season that I’m in is filled with changes and the unexpected. As I continue to walk with Him I get to learn what are the areas He is calling me higher. This month He revealed the true reasons of why I don’t seek help from others. I was shocked with His answer but to say the least there was comfort from getting a deeper understanding of why I am that way. God is giving me the strength to dig deeper and find the lies from the enemy that I am believing.
The Lord revealed that the reasons why it’s hard for me to ask for help is because is coming from a place of self protection, not wanting to be let down, a love for independence and this one is the kicker, also for not feeling worthy to be helped. To say the least I was rocked with gaining knowledge of this, learning the truth. The beauty of learning the truth is that we experience freedom in it.
I am yet to discover the full reasons of why I am that way that I am, but something that God revealed to me is that I am that this way due to past experiences. It all stems from experiencing the lost of a close family member at an early age and also from experiencing a lot of disappointment from people close to my heart. The Lord is allowing me to see a small picture of what has led for me becoming this version of myself but He is also reminding me that He is not done working on me and transforming me into the woman of God that He knows one day I will be. For me to become that person there is healing and redemption that need to happen. It will take time, it will take courage and most of all it will take trust in His ways. Not going to lie, digging deeper is scary because He is bringing memories up to the surface but that is what He calls us all to do, to bring everything to the light and He will make beauty out of it.
God is giving me freedom by showing me what the true reasons of why I am the way I am in this area. However, He is also calling me into obedience. Obedience to walk these things out with Him and also with the family He gave me in this season. With the gain of knowledge also comes great responsibility.
