When I sprained my knee a few weeks ago and did not receive an instantaneous, miraculous healing, but the “slow and steady” natural type, I figured I would get some sort of lesson out of the ordeal. Because, I fully believe the promise of Romans 8:28 which says that, “God works in all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”
During training camp, God definitely worked out some lessons in me. And, although I anticipated growing, and learning “something,” I did not foresee the magnitude of growth I experienced.
I never thought of myself as one who shuns help from others, one who tries to be my own bulwark. But, I hate feeling weak. Incompetent. Vulnerable. The first couple of days of camp, I tried to push myself to do everything everyone else was doing, cause I couldn’t stand the thought of being “the weakest link.” With my sprained knee, however, I can’t safely do all that I normally can with two un-sprained knees. (Duh, Erika.) When I opened up to my squad a bit and let them see that I was still very much in pain and not healed all the way, they were so quick to come to my aid. However, I can’t begin to describe how frustrated I was by my lack of ability to be self-sufficient. Frustrated that my squad mates literally would not let me carry my pack. Frustrated that I had to walk at snail pace, and that at least two or three U squad-ers insisted on walking with me so I wouldn’t be walking alone. Frustrated that I couldn’t do the more physically strenuous group activities. Frustrated that I wasn’t the one serving, but the one being served.
In the midst of my stubborn frustration at my dependence, the Holy Spirit whispered to me one night during a service, “Gracious.” I inquired, “Gracious ‘what,’ Lord?” to which He responded, “Gracious to receive.” I received so much during my week at training camp. Never before in my life have I felt so poured into by so many people with such genuine love in such a short time. Yes, a bold claim, but the Lord truly opened my eyes to see that when we receive, we serve those who serve us simply by making ourselves available.
So, yes. I rejoice in serving, but I also rejoice being served. I rejoice in not being self-sufficient, but sometimes having to very tangibly be supported by others. I rejoice in my weakness, because “…he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor. 12:8-10
At Training Camp, I learned how to be served. Yes, I learned how to set up and pack away a tent in mere minutes, how to be content and joyful with eating less-than-ideal foods, and how to be far less outwardly focused than I would like to admit that I typically am. But, the greatest lesson by far was learning how to be gracious to receive.
With great anticipation, I await heading to the nations and serving without reservation. Freely give. But I also await growing in graciousness to be served. Freely receive.
In closing: the words of an old chorus, which ministered much truth to me when it found its way into my spirit last week.
“Will you let me be your servant?
Let me be as Christ to you.
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant, too.”
From my heart,
Erika Venese Wynne
