I have a few phrases that are a regular part of my rhetoric.
“I can do it.”
“No thanks, I can do it myself.”
“It’s ok. I’ve got it.”
“No, I don’t want you to feel like you have to help me.”
These are phrases that have come out of my mouth more times than I would like to admit. I pride myself on being independent. I can take care of myself. I don’t like to ask for help or rely on other people if I can do it myself. In the process there are things that could be done more efficiently if I would ask for help, but I don’t. This independence and self-sufficiency even affects my relationship with God. This independence and self-sufficiency has another name; pride.
Over the last 5 months God has really worked on my heart in this area.
There have been days that on my drive to work I tell myself I am going to keep a positive attitude and show God’s love today. I can do this. This past Monday I did exactly that and for the first half of the day I did a pretty good job. I kept a positive attitude, helped out co-workers when I could and all was good. As they day continued it got harder and harder to do. The frustrations built up and my positive attitude was out the window. I left work that day so angry and annoyed.
Later that evening I felt so ashamed, like I had failed. I asked God why it was that I couldn’t keep that positive attitude all day, why did I let things frustrate me that really shouldn’t, why are there times when I fail at showing His love? Immediately the sermon from the previous morning came to mind. (http://vimeo.com/90793637). It was about living a Spirit filled life, and asking the Holy Spirit to fill us every day to perform that tasks before us.
In the car that morning, I hadn’t asked to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I used one of my phrases “I can do this.” Silly me. Clearly I can’t. If the result of my day is any indication of what I am capable of when I handle things on my own, yikes. To be the person I want to be, to be the person God made me to be I have to wake up every day and say I can’t do this on my own.
Let me tell you I didn’t think those would be easy words to say. Admit I can’t take care of this on my own!? But, this is the moment my heart has been being prepared for these past 5 months and amazingly enough, those words are really easy to say.
I can’t love others with the love of God, when I am not filled with the Holy Spirit.
I can’t have joy overflowing, when I am not filled with the Holy Spirit.
I can’t make it on my own without that still small voice of God, whispering in my ear.
I can’t make it through trials on my own without the prayer and encouragement of believers.
I won’t be able to make it through the 11 months of the World Race on my own.
