Moment of Weakness!

So I had my first breakdown. Yes, I cried. And it wasn’t because I was homesick (but I do miss you all tons!), and
it wasn’t because I was hungry, and it wasn’t some super holy reason like because
my heart was broken for God’s people…

What brought me to tears after six full weeks
out of the United States? BUGS! Yes, bugs!

But the room we are staying in…

There are rat droppings all along the walls
and on the floor and window sills. There
is a fire-ant hill in the bathroom that runs from floor to ceiling. There are lizards that crawl all over the
walls and ceiling, especially during the night. Poor Nicole can hear the mice crawling around in her room at night, and
I think she said she put in her I-pod just to drown them out. And I am COVERED, head to toe, in bug bites!

After three restless nights of nonstop itching
and listening to all of the “creepy crawlers” in the dark, I completely lost
it. “I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS,” I cried to
Brad, “REMIND ME WHY I EVER SIGNED UP FOR THIS!”

Now just to be clear, when I signed up for the
world race, I was completely aware that living conditions would be “less than
desirable,” and that the possibility of insects and other small creatures was
more than probable. But I am a city
girl, born and raised. I don’t do
bugs. And now that I am smack dab in the
middle of the country where these creatures are alive and well (and clearly not
at all discouraged by my bug spray), I’m having a harder time dealing with it
than I predicted.

But one of the greatest joys of being married,
something that never ceases to amaze me no matter how many times I experience
it, is that when one person is weak…the other is strong. It happens every time! God has given us this amazing gift of a
perfect partner who will step up to the plate for you when you just don’t have
the strength. And it works both ways!

So of course Brad came to my rescue. He reminded me of a scripture we all know
well: “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of
yourselves, it is the gift of God.” Eph
2:8

So I started thinking…and praying…

God’s word says, “but we also glory in
tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance,
character; and character, hope.” Romans
5:3-4

Perseverance! Character! HOPE! Isn’t that the whole point of being
here? Isn’t that why I signed up for the
race in the first place? I mean, of
course I signed up because I believe God called me to the world race. And I signed up because I wanted to make a
difference in the world. And I wanted to
experience poverty at its worse so I would be ever so grateful for what I have
been given.

But I also signed up because I know with all
my heart that the Lord is going to do amazing things through me and IN me this
year. I am surrendering 11 months of my
life to being sifted, challenged, stretched, and made stronger. We have been told time and time again by
Michael Hindes, “God is not interested in your comfort; He is interested in
your character.”

So then I stumbled upon a passage in 2
Corinthians when Paul is speaking to the church about equality and giving:

“For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus
Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that you
through His poverty might become rich. And in this I give advice: it is to your advantage not only to be doing
what you began and were desiring to do a year ago; but now you also must
complete the doing of it; that as there was a readiness to desire it, so there
also may be a completion out of what you have. For if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what
one has, and not according to what he does not have. For I do not mean that others should be eased
and you burdened; but by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may
supply their lack, that their abundance also may supply your lack – that there
may be equality.” 2 Cor 8:9-14

God didn’t just command us to have grace for
others; He led by example. The Lord
Jesus Christ, the King of the universe, became poor. His family was poor. He Himself never owned so much as a piece of
property from the time He was born in a manger to His death on the cross. He died a poor man and was buried in a
borrowed grave.

God wants to teach me about grace. And my growth in this grace began over a year
ago when I first felt called to the world race. The desire God put in my heart to go on this mission trip was put there
purposefully, and it is important that I see it through.

And this passage is also important because
Paul says that God doesn’t want us to be burdened. The point of this trip isn’t for me to
suffer. God wants equality. I have been given in abundance, and these
people are in need. God wants us to have
grace and compassion for others, and to give out of our abundance with a
cheerful heart, because circumstances can always change. One day I may be in need of some of someone
else’s abundance.

God wants us to humble ourselves and live like
the people here do in order to serve them. I can’t serve them from a hotel on the other side of the island as well
as I can here, living beside them. Being
called to ministry doesn’t mean acting superior to others. It means acting as a SERVANT. When we try to wrap our minds around how much
Jesus Christ has served us, despite our selfishness, our rebellion, and our
sin, we begin to realize that NOTHING we come across can even compare! We become determined to serve others for His
sake. Once we have encountered the love
of God, and started to align our hearts with His, we begin to identify with His
interest in other people. And Jesus is
interested in EVERY kind of person there is! We have no right as Christians to pick and choose who we want to serve
and how. This is one of the biggest
tests of our relationship with Him. Sacrifice is laying down my life for other people. 

While we can’t do anything to earn salvation,
we still have to “exercise ourselves” in order for God to manifest in us. I recently read something Oswald Chambers
wrote: “If we stay the same person from the time we are saved, it is a lie to
say we have been saved and sanctified.” God allows us to experience difficulties so that we may overcome
them. Rise to the occasion, even if it hurts. It gives God the chance to manifest Himself
in your flesh. In our weaknesses, He is
made strong. We are here to submit to
God’s will so that He may work through us what He wants. Once we realize this, He will equip us with
what we need in order to overcome the obstacles set before us. 

There are going to be times when God tells us
to do something that goes against everything in our flesh (like me, living out
here in the land of “creepy crawlers”). But Jesus wants us…no, Jesus DEMANDS that we trust Him almost to a point
of recklessness. The Christian life can
sometimes be difficult, but it challenges us to overcome. Difficult situations only reveal the stuff we
are made of. They reveal character. They challenge us to be ready for the next
time a difficult situation comes along. God never forces our obedience. He does not make me do what He wants. But what He wants is always what’s best for me! And when I obey what He asks me to do, I am
always a better person because of it.

 “O
Lord, You are my God. I will exalt You,
I will praise Your name, for You have done wonderful things.” Isaiah 25:1