The Father has been speaking to me so much lately about bringing every lie into the light. Even if I know it’s a lie. There’s such power in honesty and vulnerability when done inside of community. Jesus is gently asking me to experience another level of the power found here.
So I’m bringing a few things into the light.
Sure it sucks to bring lies out into the light, but that’s where they lose their power. There’s a quote that has stuck with me when I’m faced with these hard truths:
“You will only be as free as you are honest.”
Ouch.
Sometimes truth hurts, but it’s those truths that are worth fighting for. Those are the places that bring freedom from the lies that try to hold us down.
So here I am. Laying some things down that I’ve carried for far to long:
Idols.
We often think of a gold plated calf or a shrine when we think of that word. But God has been showing me that in my brokeness I still have been carrying one around in particular.
The idol of relationship.
It’s not an easy thing to talk about. The Father has walked me through so much healing over the past couple years in particular, but I’m still being refined.
This idol of relationship started to take ground in my life at a very young age. I walked through some things early on that scarred me and left me feeling that I was worth so much less than I am.
The seeds of these events grew over time and led to other wounds when I was older. Eventually these lies led me to feel that I’m unworthy of relationship and marriage. For a very long time, I have lived with that lie. For most of my life I have believed that I would be single and I was “unqualified” for marriage/relationships.
God has shown me that because I had valued relationships and marriage over what I was worth, I had literally created an idol of relationship in my life. This lie had room for me to believe “it” over what God says about me.
That lie didn’t just stay there though. Like most sin we encounter, it branches off and affects other parts of our lives as well. This idol of relationship had even trickled down into my friendships. That subconsciously I’ve even felt unworthy of friendship and the simplest of relationships.
The Lord has shown me that this has led me to be a “false peacemaker” in my friendships. God began to show me that I would do anything to keep the peace in my friendships. I would lay down my own opinions, value what others think above my own thoughts, and I would mostly never share what I wanted when there was a choice. This fear that my choice wasn’t what the other person wanted led to me being a social chameleon and a false “peacemaker” but this was all attached to this lie that I wasn’t worth this relationship.
I was so afraid to cause any tension or conflict in my friendships because I already felt as though my friendships were already something I did not deserve. How could I bring conflict to a relationship/friendship I didn’t deserve?
This relationship idol went a lot deeper than I had ever imagined. The Father has been walking me gently through so much healing this year, but to experience the full healing, I had to see the full lie. This revelation has been extremely painful, but it has also been so much more freeing.
Through this process, I’ve been reminded of Romans 8:28 so many times.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
It seems too amazing that God would take my brokeness, that He would patiently tend my wounds, and that He would care for what I’ve done to my inmost being. But the rags, the wounds, and the pain equip us with true hands to steward the wholeness He then Gives.
Freedom for those who have always been free is lacking the fullness that only bondage can provide.
So now I’m finding that I can “boast in all my weaknesses”!! Because in all my pain and struggles I can now experience a fullness that I have not had before!
So now I’m finding myself in a place of a security that I’ve never known before. As God has been tearing down this idol of relationship, He’s been bringing Truth and Authority like I’ve never known before. My friendships have grown deeper, and the relationship wounds in my life have had healing I never knew I needed.
I’m not quite sure how to finish this blog because I know that God isn’t finished healing me yet. But I already feel a Greater Peace bringing this into the Light.
Is there something you feel Holy Spirit leading you to bring into the Light?
Are you ready to experience true Wholeness instead of brokeness?
I want to encourage you today to find the Healing in honesty and vulnerability with someone you can trust. The Father wants to take your rags and give you riches.
*Announcements, Prayer Requests and Needs*
First and most importantly, I need more prayer warriors! There have been countless times this year and a half where I could feel the community praying for us interceding on our behalf. The Lord has opened doors that could have never been possible without your prayers and also those prayers have protected us in some dangerous situations. If you would add me to your prayer list, I would be forever honored for you to partner with me. Your prayers change things!
Prayer requests right now:
-Continued boldness into what the Lord calls me to do
-Steadfastness as the Lord shows me how to lay myself down for M Squad
-Unity and Joy for the Squad!
-Provision for this next season
-A heart to pour into all the cultures we will be in this year
-Vision for the future
Secondly, I’m currently about 58% funded out of my $6500 total I need to raise! I have 3,800 raised so far and thats amazing. I need to raise at least $700 more before January, please consider partnering with me! Those donations can be made on this page and are tax deductible!
If you want to specifically support me on a monthly basis, that’s an option on the donate page! Even 25 dollars a month goes a long way! Plus, when you support me, I’ll add you to my page where I can share the more “sensitive” material!
Thank you all for your prayers and support! I’m always so overwhelmed by your prayers, messages, and generosity! Love you all!
