Psalm 86:11

 Teach me Your way, Lord,

that I may rely on Your faithfulness;

give me an undivided heart,

that I may fear Your name.

 

    This Psalm perfectly describes what I have been going through these past 6 months. Rewind to January of this year. I just got hired on full-time at Cedaredge Assembly as their Youth Pastor just a couple months prior. I had been working part-time as their Youth Pastor for a little over 4 years. I finally made it! A full time ministry position, great staff, housing, you name it. This is what I have been working toward and looking forward to for the past 6-ish years of my life as I accepted the call that the Lord gave me. 

And then, as I sat there in my office,

only two months into this next step, the Lord told me “Go!”

     I wish I could say that I reacted like Moses or Isaiah, but I was more like Abraham and Sarah, I laughed. I thought God was kidding. I thought it was me. I thought there was a mistake somewhere, a simple miscommunication… but it never went away.

“Go!” 

    I have always had a heart for missions, but I didn’t see this coming. “Lord why now?” “Why do you want me to move when I have worked so hard to get here?” “What about these students, who is going to care for them?” I have found that when we are confused about what God is doing, we ask a lot of dumb questions. As I calmed down and began to take the Lord seriously, I spent the next few months praying and fasting. 

    Fast forward to March. I’m still struggling for answers and direction. I committed March to the Lord, I fasted entertainment and devoted additional daily time in the word and in worship. And as I spent time with the Lord, when I sought His face, as my heart was undivided, He was still there.

“Go!”

    And then I knew. I felt the same calling I did when I was 19, when the Lord first called me to ministry. So, early June I sent in my application, late June accepted. And just like that, this new journey has begun. I have had so many doubts through this process. I have had so many fears about fundraising, transition, and that I misunderstood what God was speaking.

But in every single moment when I had those doubts and fears,

The Lord has been faithful. 

    He was faithful when I laughed, He is faithful when I doubt, He was faithful when I ignored Him, He is faithful when I worry, He IS faithful. And in every moment I rely on His faithfulness, He never lets me down. 

    I know this journey is going to be tough, there will be many times when I fall short. There are still many obstacles to climb even before the World Race begins. I still have to talk to my students about this transition, I still have to bring this before the congregation, I still have to raise all these funds and purchase all the gear. But even as I write this the Lord is being faithful.

He has silenced any doubt that this is His will

He is faithful

He has providing the gear I need

He is faithful

Over the past 24 hours God has provided $2100 toward my goal

He is faithful

    It’s an incredible thing to experience His faithfulness, and I know it will not stop when I am done facing the obstacles I am facing now. He will continue to be faithful through the World Race and beyond. He is not just faithful now, He is always faithful. So in turn, I have to learn to always rely on his faithfulness, not just in this season, but every moment. No matter how big the storm may seem, or how intimidating the climb may be. I am so thankful that the Lord is patient with me as I am still learning to rely on His faithfulness. 

    Lord teach me your ways.

That I can walk in your truth, and rely on your faithfulness.

Even when I laugh, doubt, and fall short.

Grant me an undivided heart, a heart that only longs for you.

So I can fear your name, and humbly lay this life down at your feet.

Amen