This year has been an incredible journey where I have been able to experience so many parts of God’s heart. There have been so many times God has surprised me when I least expected it. This encounter with the Father definitely tops the list to date. It’s a story of abandon, dying to self, and getting jiggy with it. Let me explain.
The Lord has been challenging me on the Race to break out and experience different aspects of worship and surrender. From singing prophetically as the Spirit leads, to taking up the authority that can be found in worship, to now the current and most uncomfortable by far, being able to dance before the Lord.
As a man who grew up in American culture, dancing not exactly the first thought that comes into my mind when I think about worship. Not exactly something that comes into my mind ever. I avoid dancing like the plague. You see, I have a long history of not being able to dance. It has been something that I’ve always dreaded. It has been a source of embarrassment and shame for me. A place where I very much still hold onto a spirit where I fear man. In recent years I started to break free from this shame. During my time as a youth pastor/YL leader I had experienced a ton of growth being silly in front of people. And I’ve always been able to laugh it off, but the root remained. I was never really able to break off this fear of man and be free.
Growing up, my youth pastor Seth had a saying that I adopted as my own. “The music moves me, but it moves me ugly.” That sentence sums up my history with dance. And I know it seems so silly that God would be teaching me through something like dance. But sometimes God likes to use our weaknesses to show us more of Himself. He also likes to use the foolish things of this world to shame the wise. So here’s a little story about how God used dance to bring me to a place of freedom.
Here’s a little backstory to why this event was so impactful. On 7-30-17 about a month and a half ago, God challenged me to dance with Him every day. I won’t go into the details of this story for the sake of time, but a teammate of mine had a image from the Lord for me. It was an image where God was teaching me how to dance. I took this image to the Lord, and it led to Him challenging me to dance with Him every day. My response was anything but joyous. But I reluctantly told my teammates because I knew God wanted me to paint myself in a corner and live in accountability.
The next month and a half was a challenge. I knew the Lord wanted to increasingly bring me to a place of vulnerability and even being able to dance with Him in public (still working on that one!) eventually. So everyday I found a time to dance with the Lord. Most of the time I found a solitary and isolated place. I locked myself in bathrooms, found dark rooms, hid behind buildings, and I danced with Him. Sometimes it was a slow dance, sometimes it was silly and fast, and sometimes it was a mix. Either way, this whole time I felt like I was crazy.
God why do You want me to do this?
What is this accomplishing?
Crap, I forgot again, do I really have to get out of bed to dance with You?
Needless to say it was killing my flesh everyday. It was inconvenient, it felt so silly, and it was uncomfortable. But it lead to one of the most incredible moments in my life that I have had with the Father.
So fast forward to where we are now. We are currently in the Middle East, in Jordan to be more specific. And last Tuesday night the Father forever changed my view on dancing before Him. That night, I felt like I just needed to spend some alone time with God. So I headed up to the roof of the guesthouse with my guitar. It was a beautiful night and the view was stunning. The town was quiet, the desert air was refreshingly cool, and the stars were shining bright. Out in the distance you can see a certain city’s lights glistening, that city is Jerusalem. Talk about a perfect place for worship.
I was all alone on the roof, playing and singing songs to God. I felt the Lord leading me to sing out “Abba” and call to Him as my Father. As I was playing, I started to encounter a bunch of warfare and lies trying to creep in. The enemy did not want me to experince what God had for me that night. So I started to sing Scripture and spontaneous songs to God that spoke Truth into these lies that were trying to sneak in. Then the Spirit led me to have a quiet moment before God, and in that moment I prayed a dangerous prayer. I told God,
“Father, I want to know you. I want to know your heart like I never have before. I want to know your mind like I never have before. I want to know your Spirit like I never have before. I want to know what it looks like to only do what you are telling me to do.”
Then He answered me back and told me this, “You can only know this through a deeper understanding of my Love.” So I started to sing about God’s love. As I was singing, He told me to take off my sandles, stand up, and dance with Him. So I stood up, kept my sandles on (dumb), and started to walk around and gently sway to the song.
Then I felt the Lord tell me again “Take off your sandles and dance with me.” I realized that I needed to take this seriously (finally). So I took off my sandles and started dancing more freely while playing the song “Dance With Me” Now dancing, playing the guitar, and singing is not a talent that I have fully developed. So while I was doing this, I was messing up chords and rhythm, but still pressing through, until the Lord spoke to me again. He told me “Eric, there’s something between you and me.” I knew at that point that God just wanted me to put down the guitar and dance with Him. God was gently leading me out of my comfort zone. So I started to dance before Him, and again more freely before the Lord. I danced with Him and it was such a sweet time, but I could feel something else going on.
This led me to a moment where I knew the Lord had more for this time and I wanted to know what it was. So I took a moment and just stood quietly before Him. I was standing at the corner of the roof with Jerusalem in front of me, shining in the distance.
Then the Lord came and spoke to me in the quiet. He said, “Eric, I want to give you something.” And I responded “Whatever you have for me God, I want it.” With my hands raised I stood there as He gave me an image. He showed me a sheet being lowered down onto me. It was made out of innumerable tiny small circles made out of pure Gold. It was almost completely see through but when the light caught it, the gold would shimmer in the refraction.
This sheet was coming down to rest on me. I felt it cover my arms, my head, and my shoulders. Then I asked the Lord “What is this?” And then He rocked me with a gift and a requirement.
“I want to give you joy! Now dance wildly before me!“
“What!?!”
I hesitated, I was taken aback at the abruptness of this statement, but I wasn’t going to miss out on joy! I’m sure what followed from an outside perspective looked like absolute chaos and confusion, but I didn’t care. I danced wildly before God with all my might. I jumped, danced, flung my arms while singing “Undignified” I even attempted (and failed) a cartwheel at one point (Creed Bratton style). It was one of the most joyous experiences I’ve had in my life!
I walked back to the corner where this all began (while catching my breath) and I told God “God, being joyful is exhausting.” He and I had a laugh and then He spoke to me one more time. He said this, “Eric do you realize what just happened?” And I was like “No, will you show me?” He turned my attention toward Jerusalem and reminded me of a verse.
fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
-Hebrews 12:2
When Jesus was on Golgotha being crucified many historians and scholars believe that He was facing Jerusalem. And from the spot He was crucified you can see the Mount of Olives. When Jesus was being crucified He was able to see the very spot where He was going to return and bring total union between man and God. For the JOY (redemption of this relationship) set before Him, He endured the cross, SCORNING it’s shame.
And then He also reminded me of our crosses that we must bear and share in Christ’s death(to flesh) daily.
Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
-Luke 9:23
Then He spoke to me a truth that I will remember for the rest of my life.
“Eric do you see? Because of the joy set before you, you were able to scorn the shame of today’s cross.”
Wow. This encounter has changed me. That sometimes God shows us a cross to bear that is uncomfortable, possibly even shameful. But when we can lay our eyes on the joy that is a closer relationship with Him. It scorns any shame we could possibly imagine in comparison to the reward of being faithful.
I still am exploring what this new joy is that the Father wants to give me. To live in complete freedom and abandonment. To live completely free from fear of man. To live dancing wildly before the Lord.
