John 15:1-2
I [Jesus] am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.
When I applied for World Race I acknowledged I would need to prepare myself financially (raise money), spiritually (let GOD, Jesus and the Holy Spirit into every part of my being) and physically (my right foot which has been bothering me for a year and a half would have to heal and I would have to loose some weight). I knew the preparations would not be easy but the one thing I didn’t want to acknowledge was that in order to prepare me for the missionary trip GOD would prune some of the unhealthy branches in my life.
GOD’s pruning started early in 2008 before I even thought about applying for the World Race…. I was $14,000 in debt in 2007 due to excessive spending. I ate out a lot and spent money like water to fill a void in my life. I thought this void was due to the fact I didn’t have a significant other in my life. I figured since I don’t have a boyfriend or husband I’ll spend money to fill the void…. Well I learned the hard way eating out almost every day and buying things I didn’t need or did not even want never filled the void of unconditional love that only GOD can fill…. Instead of making me feel better, overspending and excessive eating out left me with a pile of debt and several health problems due to excess weight. The Justin Timberlake song Losing My Way had become the theme song for my life. I finally cried out to GOD that I couldn’t handle my life and through only HIS help could I make it out of this predicament.
I started to pay my debt off and a year later due to GOD’s grace I am only $800 away from being debt free.
In 2008 I have grown closer to GOD than I have ever been. I can hear GOD’s voice and direction in my life through dreams and when I pray for others it actually seems to make a difference. I figured I was pretty much ready for the missionary trip. I said to GOD I am almost debt free and closer to you than I have ever been in my life I’m ready. He said you are almost ready but you need to prune (cut off) the unhealthy relationships with men and stop overeating.
GOD had been calling me all year to cut off the unhealthy relationships I had with men and food. I kept ignoring his call and justifying my actions. I would cut off guys and stop overeating for a couple of weeks and then go right back to these things. I prayed about it and prayed about it, secretly hoping GOD would give me Another Answer other than cutting off my two unhealthy addictions food and men. So after battling with GOD for most of 2008, two weeks ago I finally decided and committed to giving up these relationships and focusing on GOD. I realized only GOD could feel the unconditional LOVE void I had been trying to fill with men, food, entertainment and material possessions.
I’ll admit it has been hard and I’ve gone through a string of emotions behind this decision, I’ve felt justified knowing that I did the right thing, sad, upset and angry all in one day. At the end of the day I know this was the pruning that needed to happen in order for GOD to prepare me for the missionary trip and allow the healthy beautiful branches in my life to grow.
GOD thank you for the pruning and allowing the branches in my life to be more fruitful… even if it feels uncomfortable.
GOD thank you for Mary J Blige’s Growing Pains CD which has been the soundtrack of my life during this pruning season.
