So you might be wondering- why is this girl still blogging? I thought her race was over? Well it isn’t. It never will be. Yes the season has come to a close but the lessons I learned and the commissions I received from the Lord will echo into eternity.
I keep catching myself wondering if this year was a dream or reality. Was I really gone for 11 months? Did I really meet those people and see the things that I’ve written about…. What in the world did I do this year? And what the heck do I do now?! Did I waste an entire year of my life? Can anyone see a difference in me? If they can’t… does that mean it isn’t real?
After a week of pondering I can finally answer…
I didn't go on this race to prove anything to anyone. I went on this trip because I recognized it was what God created me to do and He was clearly calling me to it. I grew and I changed this year and it is undeniable. I’ve been humbled, freed of shame, learned to walk in confidence and found my identity in Christ and Christ alone. I’ve come face to face with unacceptable realities in this world and fought and prayed to overcome them. I’ve brought heaven to earth. I’ve shown the shamed, dirty, broken and desperate the love of Christ. And I know I still have a lot more growing to do (and I mean a lot.)
I went on the race not knowing what to expect, and God showed up. And now I’ve been struggling trying to figure out how to mesh my worlds. So far I’ve…
–Cried at pictures of steak in sky miles magazines (not really sure why but I couldn’t help it)
–Been brought to tears at the sight of homeless men on the streets- not because of how little they have, but how much
–Blog stalked people still on the field
–Induced legit panic attacks for three nurses at the local center for infectious diseases as I described my conditions and health over the past year (no worries, after some debate they decided I don’t need to be quarantined and am probably just fine).
–Drank tap water at every given opportunity just because I know it wont poison me
–Used world race lingo that makes absolutely no sense to the people around me
–Realized that “like typhoid” is not an appropriate American response to, “How do you feel?”
–And spent a lot of time praying, reflecting, worshipping and reading over some of my journals from the year
The words I got as I prayed into our last month of ministry on the race have extended to this season: Battle and Minister in the Holy Spirit. I can do that here the same way I did out there: with all of my heart through prayer and obedience.
At training camp we stood up on our chairs, jumped, danced and screamed declarations at the top of our lungs. We made promises to God and challenges to the devil… And we didn't declare that we would storm the gates of hell for a season. We will battle for a lifetime. We ARE an army RISIN up to break EVERY chain. This didn’t end August 31st 2011. This won’t end.
The last words I heard my squad mates shout to me as the train doors closed in the Atlanta airport and they sped away from my life were: enjoy your freedom
I am free. Free to make my own choices. Free to eat and drink whatever I want. Free to worship, or not. Free to pray, or not. Free to open my Bible in public without fear of persecution. Free to pretend this year never happened. Free to fall back into old habits. Free to do whatever I want. But I now know that choosing to live like the world isn’t actually choosing to be free- it’s choosing to make yourself a slave to sin. I never want to go back to who I was before the race. And I won’t. I am free.
Where am I? In America
Where am I? In God’s will
Where are you? Can you feel His presence?
And yes… there are more blogs to come
Last pictures together as a team
S-Squad!
At a wedding with my girls my first weekend back
