So here we are in Romania for Month 3! We've only been in the country for about a week and a half now, but I already feel like I've grown so much this month, especially during our 5 days at debrief. (For anyone who doesn't know, all world racers have debrief every couple of months to just relax and reflect on all that they've done so far on the Race.)
One night at debrief, we did an exercise where we wrote our own Psalms. We were given 30 minutes to read Psalms 16,17, and 139, and then write a Psalm of our own. My first reaction to this was slightly panicked. I know I'm not a fast reader, I find it difficult to write things on the spot, and I knew there was no way I could get it done in 30 minutes. But I took a deep breath, read the Psalms, and then took a minute to pray before I started writing.
As soon as I stopped praying, God gave me a picture of this scene, and then the words just started coming to me.
I still didn't finish it within the 30 minutes, but I kept trying to write it while others were sharing. I really felt like I wanted to share mine, even though it wasn't finished yet. When we ran out of time and I still hadn't finished, I asked if I could share it the next day, and I'm so glad I did.
Writing this Psalm wasn't something I wanted to do. It's not something I even thought I could do. But it's something I needed to do, and God knew that, because let me tell you the change I've seen in myself since then! I feel like God is teaching me all the time how to better walk in freedom and to not be bound by my insecurities. He's breaking chains off of my heart every day. It's truly wonderful.
So here it is, my Psalm:
In the darkness, I have fallen.
Guilt and shame surround me.
Where are You, my God?
Why can’t I see Your face?
Crawling out of the pit, I call to You.
I know You must be with me.
Covered in dirt, sweat, and tears,
I look to the world for answers.
I compare myself to those “cleaner” than I.
How foolish I am not to see You.
In my hour of despair, You take hold of my right hand
You turn my eyes to face You
“My child, I love you,
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.”
You pull me out of the dirt and the darkness
You stand me by Your side
In your presence, I am made clean
The daughter of a King
You equip me with weapons that shine with Your Glory
You fill me with power to slay my enemies.
As they crawl up from the depths, I feel weak and afraid
I can feel the darkness surrounding me.
But the darkness is not dark to You, oh God
I take refuge under Your wings
My God, Your sword is much stronger than mine
You slay the wicked and crush them under Your feet.
You pull me out of hiding, Lord
You stand with me up on the mountain.
I dance and sing, for my heart is glad
I turn my eyes to face You.
I rejoice in the light that I see in Your face.
I’m reminded of your hand still in mine.
I am filled with warmth,
I am full of joy.
No longer can I be shaken.
With eyes fixed on Your face, I will no longer fear.
I am free. I am free, indeed.
Update on Fundraising: I currently have $8,779 in my account. I need to have $11,000 in my account by the end of this month. That means I'm still in need of $2,221 by October 1st.
I ask that you prayerfully consider donating so that I can stay on the field.
Thank you so much for your support and prayer thus far. God Bless You!
