I've been sitting looking at this computer screen trying to write a blog for days now. I know what I want to write about, but wording it is so much harder than just dealing with the fact that it's hard to write about the fact that I am dead. I mean, how do you explain it?
Wait, what? (you might be saying)
Yeah, I know right.
Shocked me too.
I am freakin' dead.
Trying to figure this out has left me speechless, and I haven't even figured it out, so I don't know. This whole concept of dying to self is hard. But when I say I am dead, I mean…
I'm dead to myself.
I try to revive myself sometimes, but the Lord puts me back in my place.
The point is….
I can be selfish. I am selfless.
I can get frustrated. I carry the joy of the Lord. Frustration is not in Heaven, so it's not in me either.
When people get angry with me, I react and tell them how I think. I pray over the people who are against me, because they are sons and daughters just like me of the King.
I don't look at all like Jesus. I am created in Jesus' image.
I am impatient. I am patient.
I am quick to anger. I am slow to anger.
I have a hard time loving people sometimes. I love people the way I am supposed to.
I don't want to serve others sometimes. I have served them three meals in a row. It's my time to be served. I am a servant with no stipulations, no limitations, and no expectations.
If I give someone something, I expect something in return. I give without expecting anything back. I am a giver, no matter what.
I follow what others do. I lead by example of who the Lord is for me.
I take myself into consideration before others. I put others before myself. The Lord says to love him first and my neighbors second. My name was not inserted in that.
And although it's hard sometimes and I have to be put back in my place (I actually argue at myself sometimes when I'm being stupid and get angry over silly things), it's rewarding. I ultimately love serving others. I want to be in this life, knowing that I am being the best example I can be. This is what I am here for. I am here to serve. I am here to honor. I am here to prefer. How dare I forget what I signed up for, not just with the World Race, but when I decided to follow Jesus. If I am following Him, then I am choosing to follow in His footsteps.
Are you dead too? This death is a choice, but it's a good one.
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." -Galatians 2:20
I should also probably mention that I was switched on teams again at debrief while in Romania. I have moved to a whole new team who was already formed when the first team switches were made. I switched teams with Haley, and now I am on Team Depths of Freedom! I just love these people so much and am so excited to be serving with them in Moldova this very month of November. They are precious people with the heart of the Father.
I only need $561.42. God is using me so much here! Help me to finish what I started if you feel led and donate what you can so I can be fulllly supporttedd!!! Please and thank you. 🙂
