So, I’ve joined everyone on my squad posting a blog about the last two weeks. Where to start, how to began? I can tell you about how I felt before camp. I didn’t share the same excitement as the rest of my squad. While everyone was talking about how excited they were, I was nauseous. It felt like the first day at a new high school. Poorly equipped didn’t make it easier but I kept reminding myself why I was there.
I met a few of my squad mates before camp which made it easier to jump in. Going into camp, I thought it was going to be a lot of sleeping outside, eating bad food, sessions, and holding hands singing kumbaya. How bad could it really be, right? Wrong.
I woke up the first morning early, cold, and ready for our first excise of jogging for 30 mins. Breakfast wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t a lot. Worship was great but I wasn’t feeling it. I started thinking “This is going to be a long 10 days.” I soon found myself pushing away and not wanting to be part of the group. I was wanting to be out and not fit in. God was going to let me get away with it.
On the second afternoon one of our amazing trainers took time to ask me how I was holding up. Trying to keep a vague superficial conversation, she saw through the smoke and presented a statement, “It sounds like you need to forgive your mom.” Huh?
I smiled, her and my father splitting 14 years ago was a blessing for everyone. She’s happy, he’s happy, my brother and sister’s are happy, what’s there to forgive. my mother isn’t the type to admit to fault. As I tried to explain way this was funny, I noticed I was getting uncomfortable with this proposition.
We agreed that there might be something there that needs further digging into. I now know God was preparing me for the inevitable. I talked about to a few people about crazy it sounded but my friend wouldn’t side with me. She told me not to fight it. That night’s session focused on forgiveness.
As the session went on I thought, how do you forgive someone who doesn’t feel like they need to be forgiven? Maybe there was nothing to forgive after all. “Symptoms of Unforgiveness” those were the word that broke me. They listed bitterness, ill will, talking bad about them, I admitted I was checking off each one towards my mom. When there was a moment for prayer I found my squad mom, wrapped my arms around her to confess that I did have unforgiveness that I never let out. Once I said it out loud, I felt the weight of it crash on my chest. I got back up, found my squad trainer to thank her for hearing me out and bringing it to light. I proceeded to wrapped my arms around her and lost it. I told her I wanted to tell my mom I sorry I was for how I treated my mom over the years.
The next few days were filled with getting to know some truly amazing, loving, and caring women. The 18 mile hike in two day with our pack created a bond between us five guys and the lack of food portions were replaced with love and concern for one another. The sleeping situations weren’t the best but at the end of the day, it was all these unpleasantries that bonded 36 different people into one unit with one mission, to go out into the world in the name of Jesus Christ. The reality that this is not a vacation set in for many.
I want to thank you for reading my story. Please feel free to follow my team and my squad as we prepare for this adventure. Finacial support is much needed and much obliged. Subscribe to these beautiful people’s blogs.
