Happy New Year! January 2016! This is it. Thank you to my supporters. I’m thrilled to announce that I am a little over $3,000 away from being fully funded. In less than a week, I will be checking into a hotel and begin my 11 months away from my friends and family. I have left my job, I have packed my bag, and the final goodbyes have begun. In the process, I’ve noticed a repeating pattern that has left me thinking.
The question keeps being asked, “Are you sure you want to do this?” I give them my confused and puzzled facial expression as I’m lost for words. The best way I can explain this feeling is like being strapped down to a new roller coaster. I’m excited, nervous, happy, scared, and suspended. Upon answering their questions, everyone keeps saying “Well, if it makes you happy.” or “If feels good, I’m happy for you.” This is where I’m troubled. Should I feel good? Should I be happier than I feel? I don’t feel good, I’m not happy, and that’s okay.
Now you might be asking yourself, “What?” There is a wide misconception that God is all about feeling good. The idea that if it “feels good” than it’s of God and if it “doesn’t feel good” it must be of Satan. This isn’t always true. In fact, hardly ever is that true for me. Sin “feels good.” Sex before marriage, porn, substance abuse “feels good.” Now, consoling a friend after they lost a loved one “doesn’t feel good”. Forgiving the unforgivable, giving sacrificially, loving someone who’s hurt you “doesn’t feel good”. So which is of God again? God isn’t about feeling good all the time. Trying to live out faith in Christ will be very difficult, but I know that’s where we see God’s love, grace, and faithfulness.
Am I sure I want to do this? Leave for 11 months? I have said before, going is not a choice. I have to go. God is speaking, so I obey. Not out of fear do I go into the unknown, but out of faith to break the limits of the box I put my faith in, and let God do what only God can do. There is an anticipation for something so big that I’m scared, I’m excited.
I pray that you journey along with me. I know I can’t do this alone and if you’re reading this the Holy Spirit has given you words to help me with this journey. Thank you. I couldn’t have been here without your support. Do something for someone you don’t know and love and forgive those you do know.
