Stop. Just stop for one minute. Look back at this year. What do you see? Do you see growth in yourself? What about between you and God have you grown closer? What is it that you find when you think and look back? What about where you are going? Do you feel that something is missing? Are you looking for something? What about your faith? Has your faith grown? How have you been challenged? I could go on and there are many questions that I have myself coming out of this year. As we head into our last month and we begin to prepare for our journey home and I have been looking back.
I now think of how people say “Towards the end you begin to think of the begining.” or something like that. It really is something amazin,g to look back on this past year and think of all that has happened. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride to say the least, if you know what I mean, both physically and emotionally. Ultimately, even in the midst of all my questions I think of the words of A.W. Tozer:
“The mind looks backward in time til the dim past vanishes, then turns and looks into the future til thought and imagination collapse from exhaustion; and God is at both points, unaffected by either.”
My point being is that I know that through this whole process God has been right there with me. I have seen and experienced a lot. It is not that I have grown by leaps and bounds or that I have this new found faith that is more vast by comparison than that of my faith before. It is however a recognition of that I know that I have been challenged and grown this year. I say that not in arrogance but am acknowledging how and that I have been affected by this journey.
Ok, to digress for a minute, I have been reading a book by A.W. Tozer and it really has started speaking to me and will have a few quotes from his book “The Knowledge of the Holy”. I now think of two things, one being Tozer’s words “For human beings the whole possibility of redemption lies in their ability to change.” Hence, when the Scriptures say that we should be “transformed by the renewing of minds.” our ability to become more Christlike lies in our willingness and ability to change.
Change is something I expected, honestly, but in looking back I have began asking myself all kinds of questions and for a while now I have even gone so far as to take a step back and look at my own faith objectively. I am of the belief that I think everyone should do so, at one point or another. I began asking myself why I came as compared to why I thought I came. Was it because I was seeking something? Was I looking for more “evidence” or something to believe in God more, based on the assumption that I might encounter some miraculous “God moment”?
Just really wanting to keep my motives and faith in check, you know? So when I read these words “Any faith that must be supported by the evidence of the senses is not real faith.” by Tozer, it was a real gut check moment. It was faith that led me here. It was through faith that I have been changed. It was through faith that I have grown closer to God. And it is by faith I look to and for where He will lead me next. Has my faith been challenged this year? You better believe it. In all my qestioning the thought kept and still comes to mind, it’s all about faith. So then, “faith the size of a mustard seed” takes on a whole new meaning. Fatih can and does change you.
I am so grateful for this journey that the Lord has called me to and realize I may never be here again. For the change that has occured within me. For the faith that I have. For everything. Thank you God for this life you have given me and for the man you have called me to be and are making me into, thank you Lord.
“Faith wakes at the voice of truth but responds to no other sound.” A. W. Tozer
