Have you ever started something with the expectation that it was going to end up a certain way? And then it happens, and goes a completely different direction? Well, this is what happened to me this month.
This month my team and I had the opportunity to find our own ministries and more hosts for future World Race teams. While holding the position as the Unsung Heroes coordinator, this meant that I really wanted my team to do well. I thought, “Wow my team is full of an amazing group of girls and I can’t wait for us to find tons of contacts this month.” As the month started, and the time came for us to discuss goals, I was excited to set the bar that we wanted to meet. However, that feeling quickly went away when my team discussed how the pressure of goals causes stress and distracts their focus in an unhealthy way. Hearing this was something completely new to me. Coming from a high performance background as a volleyball player, I thrive in working hard to meet goals and beat out the next player. Although hearing this was a little internally difficult, I wanted to love my team well and respect what they had to say.
During this month, we started everyday with devotions and listening prayer, where we would all sit for awhile to listen to where the Spirit wanted to take us or reveal to us. As I would sit with God, I would come to him with an expectation for him to perform. It’s like I sat there ready for him to speak to me and say, “Ok Enrica, I want you girls to go to this place and find these people.” However, shockingly enough, I wasn’t hearing anything. As a result, the more we did it each day and I heard my teammates receive all these amazing things from the Lord, I started to put even more pressure on Christ to perform. I started thinking, “Wow, I really need to receive some great things like them”. And yet, for about a week or two, I still didn’t get anything until my mindset began to change.
You see, throughout this month, God opened my eyes to show me that this month wasn’t about my expectations, or AIM’s(world race organization that we’re partners with) expectations, its about HIS expectations. I started this month with the wrong mentality. I expected to perform, to reach a goal, but the truth is that there are no goals or expectations for the kingdom. Christ says put your faith, hope, and trust in me. Once I realized that it was my duty to just Let Go and Let Him Lead no matter what direction we went, or how many contacts we found, he allowed a complete turn around within my heart. He let me hear him again!
This month, as the Unsung Heroes coordinator, it wasn’t easy, but God has grown me so much through it. He allowed my performance background to come up so that I could be humbled and reminded that he is the only one that I need to perform for, not my teammates, not this organization, and not myself. Christ loves me right where I am. He showed me that I am never defined by what I hear from him during listening prayers. Whether I hear something or not, it doesn’t make me a better Christian or a better leader. No, what God wanted me to walk in this month is FREEDOM, freedom to let him take us (the team) wherever he wanted us to go
