Atlanta, Georgia. 1 am. My squad all meets with our backpacks packed, our hearts full, and our eyes tired. We are all staying at a hotel near the airport in Atlanta for our launch on THE WORLD RACE! I cannot believe it’s here. The week prior i had just been floating. The Lord has blessed me with incomprehensible peace and joy. No anxiety, no stress, just joy.
Saying goodbye to the people i love was the hardest. But when i got overwhelmed with it i would just think, how blessed am i to have people to ache for? How blessed am i to have an opportunity to go and serve the Lord in other countries for 9 months?! I am still in compete shock. It doesn’t feel real.
So, we leave for the airport where we have a flight to Boston at 6am. In Boston we have a 14 hour layover before our flight to Doha, Qatar. My first international flight. Still, doesn’t feel real in the slightest. In Qatar, we have another 14 hour layover before our 8 hour flight to Johannesburg, South Africa. Okay. So we land in South Africa, filled to the brim with excitement, between all of us we have about 1500 hours of ZERO sleep. But we don’t even care, WE ARE DOING IT! okay, South Africa. We get picked up, drive to a little hostel about an hour outside Johannesburg and spend the night there. Then bright and early we start the 8 hour bus ride to SWAZILAND! It was insane. So much joy, laughter, tears. Just the most amazing journey. And it went so so fast.
So, here i am. Sitting on my top bunk in the room I’m sharing with 24 other girls, looking out at our little compound. Dirt, more dirt, trees, and the most beautiful sunset you’ve ever seen. We are even blessed enough to have running water! We have each other, and we have LOTS of music!
But I’m gonna be honest, my first week here was not easy. It hurt a lot. I missed my family, i missed my friends, i missed home. I felt so so far away from it all, which of course i was. But we have no electricity or internet so i really have no way of reaching any of them. I felt isolated, suffocated, and so so small. I begged God to give me peace, which i think deep down i really did have. But the homesickness overpowered it. My main feeling was anger, i was mad at myself for feeling this way. I was mad that i wasn’t stronger, or braver, or that i didn’t have enough faith to trust that i was where i needed to be.
It’s a funny thing, I have felt that overwhelming ache in my gut many times before. Countless times, for countless reasons. And countless times i have been so sure that it would never subside. That THIS would be the time that God forgets about me, or gets tired of me, or just leaves me to fend for myself. Foolish me. Doubtful. I know it saddens the Lord to watch me feel alone, when he is right by me, waiting for me to turn my face towards him so he can comfort me, assure me that i am exactly where I’m supposed to be.
Then this morning, i woke up in tears, ate breakfast in tears, but then i found peace. The Lord found ways to minister to me. I walked outside with some friends and we saw a group of kids from the village not to far away. We walked towards them and right when they saw us they ran to us with open arms.
There was one little girl, i’m not sure of her name yet because she could not tell it to me, but she was about 3 years old. She ran as fast as she could with the biggest smile and her arms stretched as wide as they could go. She jumped on me and i held her so tight. She had never seen me, she didn’t know me, she didn’t know the things i’ve done, or been through. She just saw me, and loved me and wanted love in return.
The way she ran towards me, filled with joy and this unconditional love that i cant even explain, reminded me of how we should be running towards Jesus.
This precious little girl had dirt all over her, ripped clothing, but that didn’t matter. I didn’t even see that. It turns out i needed her love and acceptance just as bad, if not more, than she needed mine.
This is how Jesus wants us to act towards him. Running as fast as we can with open arms, open hearts, all of our flaws and brokenness but confident in the fact that when we jump, he WILL catch us. Every time.
After that encounter, i was really slapped in the face with the fact that THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME! Man, it is so much bigger than me. It’s about love. About Jesus. About service and sacrifice. I’ve said it once and i’ll keep saying it: Joy wins. Peace wins. The Lord has already fought all of our battles for us, and has already won.
The safest place for us to be is wherever God sends us. And everything will be okay. And everything will make sense.
