If I let myself, I’ll drown in my thoughts. In my fears, doubt, anxiety. I’ll let it consume me without resisting. Maybe I feel like I deserve it sometimes. Maybe I feel like it’s what I get for doubting God so much, no matter how many times he shows me his faithfulness. Now I have not seen the miracles I read about in the Bible. I haven’t seen the lame walk or the blind see or the dead rise again. Reading these stories led to me having pretty high expectations when I really began my own relationship with Christ. I was ready to see some crazy stuff! The epic healer and miracle worker, I was ready to walk the street and see some dude get out of a wheel chair while walking on water but that’s not how it went down. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe in those big miracles because man I do, and man I can’t wait to see them because I know I will. It just means that I was missing out on the other things God was trying to show me. Almost like the opening act of a show. The nameless dude with a guitar and song we’ve never heard and don’t really pay attention to cause we’re just waiting for the main act. But while we’re stirring in our seats mindlessly looking past and tuning out the first dude, we could be missing a really great show.
It may even be better than the main act.
I have so many doubts. I’m not gonna lie. I have days when I feel like God has completely neglected me like a parent who left their kid at Walmart. But those days are usually the days when I realized I’ve neglected God. He didn’t move an inch away from me, but I turned in the other direction. I walked away from him, ignoring me when he paged me over the loud Walmart speaker. And then I got mad at him because he forgot me? No. He was with me, looking for me, pursuing me, chasing me. But I was neglectful and drowning in self pity.
But then I see him. I feel him. It’s the little ray of sunshine that comes out on an otherwise cloudy and depressing day. It’s the parking spot right in front when you’ve just about run out of patience, It’s the sweet text from an old friend or a smile from a stranger. It’s the small things that count just as much as the big things. We can’t forget that. We can’t forget laughter and joy, we can’t forget that other people need love just as much as we do, and we can’t forget to give it to them. If we can’t see a miracle that day, we can be the miracle! There’s always something to be done that could be some persons miracle. The point is, stop frantically running around Walmart telling people your parent forgot you. Just stop, breathe, turn around and remember he is always next to you. Remember to stop running and let him take care of you.
