Anxiety is an old friend of mine.
I wish i wasn’t so familiar with it, but every time i think it will take the hint and leave me alone, it’s got one more thing to say. One more fear to pull from the dark and dusty corners of my mind. And one more lie to feed me. You know when you’re outside and the sky is a perfect blue? Not a cloud to be seen just sunshine and blue. Then all the sudden a little cloud you didn’t even know was there floats over the sun and makes the sky grey, just for a second, but it’s enough to make you shift in your seat, to question whether it was really a perfect day. That’s kind of what it’s like.
I grew up in a christian home, i was always taught about God, taught about prayer, and the power of it all. But growing up with it, seeing it everyday, made it slightly less magical. It’s like growing up with a dad as a magician and someone showing you a cool magic trick. Like, yes that’s cool, but I’ve seen it a thousand times. And that left me feeling grey. But then Jesus decided to show me a ton of magic tricks i didn’t even know were possible. He showed me the ins and the outs, the secrets and miracles, and my relationship with Jesus became much less like a familiar magic trick and much more like an indescribable ginormous show with fireworks and acrobats swinging from things and elephants with hats on, it was unlike anything i’d seen or felt. But the anxiety. Man, that dude just wouldn’t let up. No matter how beautiful and exciting the show was, the crowds suddenly became too big or it was too hot in the arena, and i would get mad. I would get frustrated and sweaty and i couldn’t find the reason why i was so happy and excited about it all.
I bet you were looking for a story of overcoming anxiety and how God healed me of it. Well, that’s not exactly how it went down. But I have learned that sometimes God doesn’t allow you to get over things, but He gives you everything you need to get through them.I learned that with Jesus, i possessed everything needed to vacuum up those dusty thoughts in my head, put there by the enemy. I’ve learned that in the midst of a storm (or a crowded, hot arena) i shouldn’t be frantically searching for peace and quiet, trying to push my way out of the situation so i don’t have to feel it. I should look up, be still, and meet the eye line of Jesus, who is always in arms reach. And that’s when I remember why it’s all so ASTOUNDING.
