During training camp, I felt like everyone knew exactly who they were. There was a lot of talk about how you “process” things and how you react to conflict and what your love languages are. I would sit in the sessions and think: I have no clue how I process. What does it even mean to process? This was terminology I was unfamiliar with and it made me feel like I was falling behind as everyone else nodded their heads in these discussions.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE personality tests. I loved taking the Myers Briggs* (I’m an ENFP) and getting sorted into my Hogwarts and Ilvermorny classes (that counts as a personality test, right? I’m a Ravenpuff and a Thunderbird btw). Give me an unending list of buzzfeed quizzes that will tell me which Disney princess or food or tv character I am and I’ll be a happy lady. We’ve gone a bit gaga over personality types here on the World Race. The enneagram*, specifically, is the one that tripped me up. I couldn’t figure out what my enneagram was for the life of me. As I was speaking to one of our Squad Leaders about the enneagram, she asked me why I was taking it and I responded that I am just interested in it, curious to know what my type is because I love that stuff. But why do you really want to know? Hm. I thought back to training camp and how everyone seemed to know how their own brains worked. She squinted her eyes and smiled like someone who is about to tell you something you don’t want to hear. “Knowing your enneagram won’t help you with that”… well crud.
Since then, I have figured out what my enneagram is. I am a 4 wing 3, meaning an Individualist with Achiever leanings. And it has been helpful. It’s like I’m putting words to things I have always known about myself and never been able to vocalize while also realizing things I do subconsciously and with seemingly no clear motive. But, you know what has helped me understand my brain way more than the enneagram or any other personality type? Knowing my man Jesus better. Chris Carmona, a pastor at People Church Chicago, assaulted me during one of his sermons with this line:
“I don’t think that the challenge of this gospel is that you and I would justify our position by our personality. I think the challenge of this gospel is to elevate beyond our personality and our traits and where we are right now and go beyond that to resemble our Savior who walked before us.”
Wait, so you mean that my being a 4 doesn’t justify thinking I’m better than everyone else? My wing 3 doesn’t give me license to find my value in other people? The enneagram and other personality tests are fantastic tools for gaining understanding about yourself, but ultimately our personality should be conforming to the personality of Jesus, and every single part of us that doesn’t look like Him doesn’t belong within us. Even still, we are all created as beautifully unique individuals, our God is a creative God! And, now this is really cool, He is so creative that He made all of us vastly different but also all still in His image. We are all representatives of Him made in His likeness even in our diversity, and He has made each of us to look like Him in our 4-ness or ENFP-ness. So, this transformation to look more like Jesus isn’t changing our personalities or the core of who we are, it’s getting rid of all the things we cling to as “just who we are” even when they don’t look like Jesus. It’s going back to the original intent of the artist.
Imagine if the way people spoke about you was in reference to how much you look like Jesus? In Acts 6:8, Stephen is described as “full of grace and power”. That was his identifier. I’d much rather be identified through the ways I look like Christ than through anything else. I’d want to be “Emma who listens to Holy Spirit fully” or “Emma who is filled with joy that can only come from Jesus”.
Are there still ways I entertain the unhealthy tendencies of my personality? 100%. This life is a constant progression towards looking more like Jesus that won’t end until we are fully dwelling with Him in His Kingdom. But, let me tell you, leaning into the way He made you to be is so, so much sweeter than any other way of living. It brings more satisfaction, joy, and understanding than any personality type could.
grace + peace
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