Let’s talk a little about creativity.
Being creative is hard, like, really hard. Most of my life I’ve thought of myself as a person who isn’t really creative, but desired to create. I think I’m unoriginal. I’m too forgetful to grasp technical concepts. I’m too literal to come up with creative concepts. I’m too lazy to put in the work. I’m not as good as other people in my field. I’m too anxious, too nervous and too shy. I have too many dreams and not enough goals. I’m not a good communicator. I can’t take rejection and I cry too easily.
All these thoughts about creativity fill my head like a deep, heavy fog and all I can do is sit in the muck of them. Helpless. Frozen. These insecurities stop me dead in my tracks.
And that’s where I am.
Shut down.
I want to say that there is a still, small voice inside of me saying all those thoughts are lies. That I am creative and capable. Right now, there’s not. But, there are some loud voices trying to cut through my fog from the outside. And they have to be loud to make any difference. To me, they are just muffled. And as they tell me I am creative, I am going to succeed, I have and will work hard at it, I will keep getting better… My head says they’re only saying that to be nice. They have to say that because they’re my friends/family. Those don’t really apply to me. Can’t apply to me.
Then there’s God.
He steadies my heart and wipes the fog from my eyes.
My center of gravity.
The waves may not stop but You’re holding me steady.
The God of the Universe, my God, is holding me. And He doesn’t have to. In fact, He shouldn’t. He has no obligation to me. No need to tell me what I want to hear. No motivation for loving me outside of the fact that He wants to. He holds my face and says I made you, and with My authority I declare you are worthy, capable, original, and creative!
The dark space comes only when I’m not letting Father hold my face and declare truth over me.
The enemy sees my doubts about my own “natural talent” or “inherent creativity”, which at their core come from doubts about how well God made me, and picks at those wounds. All he wants from us is a standstill.
But our God says to move. In fact, He picks up our feet, throws our arms over His shoulders and says let Me help you move.
And here’s the thing: God also says that He has put His creativity into everyone.
We don’t have to wait until eternity, or even until the next day, to create. It’s right here, now, within us. The most creative space exists only inside of Him, so it’s foolish to draw away and expect creativity to flow from something other than it’s Source.
I have to remind myself of this everyday, sometimes every moment. I’m still learning to see myself through God’s eyes as I strive to be more and more like Him, but hopefully this look into my struggles encourages you in yours.
grace + peace
If you liked what you read here and feel led to partner with me on mission – please feel free to support me by praying for me, subscribing to this blog and by donating! Just click the orange donate button at the top of this page or check out my store.
Here’s a song that God convicted me through and was a big influence on this post:
