Just being transparent, the month of May is already hard. For those of you that don’t know, May is commonly referred to as “senior season.”
We do honor’s night, beta club and national honor society cording ceremonies, senior week, etc.
But the race is really making all of these things difficult to enjoy.
Tuesday, I went to honor’s night, where my peers were being rewarded for their hard work through scholarships. I didn’t apply for any being that if I won I would be taking it from someone who needs it for next year… so I sat through two hours of a ceremony where I wasn’t needed. Awkward and also just really gave the Devil such an opportunity. He was so quick to tell me that I am not as good as those going to college, and that I didn’t work as hard as them or deserve any recognition at all. I cried in the car and it was hard to feel a doubt about the race, as I never have before. I went home and journaled and just really reflected on what God has called me to, and actually felt much better! I knew where those lies were coming from and fought my battle with the Word.
But today… was really hard! And I am feeling sad! Everyone at school wore t-shirts to represent the college they’re headed off to. And I was feeling LAME. Man was it weird to see just how different this path is. I just felt really out of place.
I’m not writing this blog to complain, or to make people feel bad for me- but to give some insight into my mind and heart regarding the race.
I think people kind of assume I am going on this because I want to. And while the Lord did consider my passions and my dreams- ultimately this wasn’t my choice. I a not going on the race because it’s cool. I am not going on the race because I want to look/feel good. I am going on the World Race because this is where my God wants me, and I want to live a life that demonstrates obedience to Him. I am going on the race because I want to abide in His plans for me. I am going on the race to be more like Jesus.
If you’re reading this, can you say a prayer that I am constantly reminded that His plan is greater? Can you pray against comparison? Can you pray that this journey leading up to the race highlights how great God is?
Thank you! I am forever grateful and cannot wait to see how your prayers change my heart! All my love forever and always.
