She highlights the best parts of my life, while seemingly not wanting to be there for my bad days. She reminds me that I am only as good enough as she says I am, and that the me in real life could never measure up to the girl she has created. She says that my life isn’t as good as other people’s lives. She says that I push more people away from the Lord than to the Lord.
She is Instagram.
Hi, my name is Emma Robertson, and I struggle with social media. Whew, that feels good to get out.
Let me first say, I worried about sending out this post. Like, really worried. I thought that if I was open about this problem, then people would be like “Oh gosh, Emma is posting again. Wow, remember that time she said she struggles with social media? She is so fake.” Which in reality, is absolutely untrue! Just the Devil trying to harass me for bringing my sin into the light. So here I am! DRAGGING this out of the dark because it has made itself a home it has been there so long.
So yeah, lemme just keep it real, I care a lot about what I post on Instagram. But honestly, not because I’m worried about likes or because I want to gain followers, but because I want people to like me.
But, contrary to most people’s struggles with social media, it’s not that that makes Instagram so toxic for me.
It’s the fact that it creates expectations. Oh my gosh, it causes me to put these extremely high expectations on myself. That real life Emma HAS to match Instagram Emma. That each one of my posts is expected to be accompanied with an encouraging message in my DM’s about how it impacted someone. That my everyday has to be in perfect alliance with my highlight reel.
And it’s exhausting.
I have deleted the app for months at a time, hoping that it’ll help me grow and develop a healthier mindset regarding the app, but each time I come back it feels as if I never left.
So, when I felt a nudge from the Lord to delete Instagram again, I was all like “Ah no God we already tried, remember? I’m right back here! Plus I gotta do some fundraising on there like I’m never gonna meet my goal if I don’t have that app for communication!”
And the Lord once again reminded me of the hurt that the app brings into my life, but this time, I was smarter and obeyed. Though reluctantly, I deleted my instagram app.
And you would think the story would end there! Like I had learned!
But as I was doing my quiet time and praying over fundraising, the thought of the app crept back into my mind.
“God, it would be sooooo much easier to get this goal completed if I could share my story on Instagram! But wait, whose voice is this telling me it would be beneficial?”
THEN YALL GET THIS!!!
OUR CHURCH MESSAGE…THE NIGHT AFTER I HAD THESE THOUGHTS:::
I heard the Lord, (along with our super awesome Pastor of course) remind me that His word is final. I needed to respect the answer that He had already given me, and not negotiate! He told me that His plan for my life does not include trying to measure up to the expectations that Instagram creates. And that is so freeing. If I continue to obey the Lord, He will bless that, and create a way to fulfill the plan He has for me to go on the Race, and it doesn’t matter if I post about it on Instagram or not. SO BEAUTIFUL! What a cool way to answer a prayer, and I can’t believe that the God of the universe chose me to speak to through that message.
All of this is not to say I’m “all better.” In fact, my journey of healing from these wounds social media has left is just beginning! But it’s so reassuring to know that I have a God who stands in my fire. Right beside me.
I know that this is kinda all over the place, but genuinely speaking I do not know how to form it into a coherent story, because this struggle has been present for so long I can’t even describe it! I just felt the need to highlight the fact that I have a real problem and it needed to be called out. So thank you for reading about one of the most shallow and yet deepest struggle I have.
I think my biggest fear in being open about this would be that people would think all I’ve posted in the past is a lie. Oh man, is that untrue. The Lord has showed me some beautiful things that I had been given the privilege to share! But now its time for me to stop going to the app and start going to prayer to praise Him there. And I am so excited to see the difference in God’s response vs. the response social media had been giving me.
My God calls me beautiful. My God calls me worthy. My God loves me on my very worst days, and even asks me to bring them to Him. My God is more than a pretty photo with a long caption. My God calls me to bring my sin into the light, so it stops thriving in the darkness. My God has the final word.
