On November 5th, I made the decision to die to myself and be raised back to life as a part of the Kingdom of God! I along with 25 of my squad mates felt that God had really been moving these past few months, and that we’re all ready to take a step out in faith into new life!
I have been baptized before, in a lake when I was 14. If i’m being honest, it really didn’t mean a lot to me. I did it because I felt like I should have been baptized by then, and the opportunity came so I took it. I honestly don’t even remember it that well, and it didn’t change how I walked with the Lord. So, coming to the race, I knew that I was gonna get baptized again, I just didn’t know when. And I definitely didn’t think it was gonna be this soon.
The day before, I was having a rough day. The enemy’s lies were really feeding into me and I was dealing with a lot of comparison and jealousy that had culminated over the past few days. Hearing these lies continually was affecting my relationship with the Lord, and I was feeling more and more distant, and frustrated that I was in that state. Then my team leader, Ellie Miller, put together a surprise dinner for my team to celebrate two months on the race! Not only had she written us personal notes, along with candy and party decorations, she had also gotten letters from people back home, and my letter was from my mom. As soon as I saw her name, the tears began pouring out, and they wouldn’t stop. I realized I haven’t cried much being here, and these tears were all the emotions I pushed down all this time. I was done feeling distant from Him. I was fully ready to listen to the Lord and fully ready to step into believing what He says about me.
After dinner, we decided to worship, and the Lord was really speaking to me through the words, with lyrics like “I’m running back to you,” and “I’m not gonna leave the way I came.” I felt like I was in a slumber and God woke me up. He was telling me that it was time I give Him control and truly let Him guide my steps, and I said take the freakin reins cause I’m sick and tired of feeling unworthy. And He filled me with so much joy. Joy that I’m gonna carry for the rest of my life. Thank you Ellie for that celebratory dinner cause wowww.
The next day, our squad mentor Madie said that one of our squad mates, Jamie, really felt like she needed to get baptized, and that we were going to a lake to do so! She then said that anyone who also feels led to get baptized is welcome. My first thought was remembering that I wanted to get baptized overseas, however at the same time after the night before, what better way to step into a new walk with God than through a baptism? I kept going back and forth, asking myself questions such as “am I really ready.” I also didn’t want to take away attention from anyone else’s decision to get baptized, but then the Lord told me, “what makes others more worthy of getting baptized than you are?” And I said shoot God, If this is what you want me to do, give me a sign in the session today. Then our phenomenal speaker, Gabe Sanchez, literally started talking about baptisms. He said things like “you need to be baptized in fire for Jesus,” and “the more you burn the more you light others up.” As soon as He said these things, I stopped writing and looked up like okay God that was it. The sign. The final thing Gabe said was that we needed to let go of dreams or goals that may hurt, but that it would be okay. I immediately knew that I needed to give up on the dream of getting baptized overseas, because this was something I needed now. God gave me more than I needed in that session. I quickly decided I wanted Jewel and Ellie, my squad leader and team leader to baptize me, because they’ve both been really influential in the growth I’ve had here, and I knew I also wanted my whole team to stand by my side because I just have so much love in my heart for them, and they’ve all been with me through all the battles.
I walked up to my teammate Delaney after session, and she goes, “you’re getting baptized aren’t you,” and I said “yes, how’d you know?” She for real goes, “God told me last night.” She had no idea we were doing baptisms that day. What the heck. God is cool.
We all get to the lake, with 15 people ready to get baptized. We all prayed as a squad, and then went one by one. And there was so much joy and freedom in the air, as each person sprang up from the water ready to proclaim their lives for the Lord. We were all able to speak whatever was on our hearts before we were baptized, and I spoke about how I’ve never felt a true, lasting relationship with the Lord before the race, and that I was so ready to break free from chains and lies from the enemy and walk into new life with Him. Going under that freezing water was one of the most refreshing feelings I’ve ever felt. The joy I felt afterwards was unlike any happiness I’ve ever felt. Because happiness and joy are different. The world can make you happy, but it can’t make you joyful. That comes from the Lord. And it’s the most beautiful feeling.
Soon after that we were done with the initial group, but then 15 people getting baptized turned into 26!! People just kept saying yes to the Lord! It was truly a day I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. It was a spiritual breakthrough I have been waiting for, and one that my soul deeply needed. New. Life.
