Psalm 145:19 ‘every one of your godly lovers receives even more than what they ask for. For you hear what their hearts really long for & you bring them your saving strength’, tpt.
Training camp. I’ve been back in AUS for exactly a week after spending two weeks in the USA for training camp. & I am beyond overwhelmed with all the ‘god-incidences’ that happened, the way Abba showed up in my life throughout the month of October, & the way He met my heart at training camp. Literally every time I have gone to write this post, I tear up because I’m reminded of how deep the biggest conviction of my life has been ever more rooted in my heart this month: that Abba is good.
What is training camp? Training camp is a ten day experience (or for some of us, eleven days) where my squad & I tented out at the Adventures In Missions base in Gainesville, GA. We ate known & unknown foods, I was educated on what ‘biscuits & gravy’ were (which fulfilled all my b’fast carb cravings lol), underwent mission field training & team-building scenarios, lived with the best group of people who I know call friends & family, received quite literally twenty hugs a day (which filled my heart :)), had family meetings, had deep chats over coffee, relentlessly prayed over one another, saw healings & miracles every day, worshipped our hearts out, positioned our hearts to be taught & wrestle out teachings from guest speakers & leaders on a variety of topics, participated in competitive squad wars, got sunburnt, used port-a-potties & bucket showers as our only source of bathrooms, we laughed, we cried, we cried because we laughed, friends got baptised, & I got my heart wrecked by the Spirit in the most unexpected of ways.
Training camp wasn’t what we were all expecting, but it was exactly what we all needed. I went into training camp holding no physical expectations, but I was holding onto a prayer of expectancy for Abba to move in my heart & to redeem promises. & I can confidently say He far exceeded that prayer in the most unexpected, yet loving, tender, & healing way.
On my twenty-three hour travel day back to AUS, I started to ask Abba questions as to why the month of Oct was the month of redeeming promises. What made it significant? & in His usual way of answering questions – in a way that doesn’t provide the answer we’re searching for, but provides the answer we ultimately need, Abba whispered in my ear while I was eating choc chip cookies at midnight at LAX, “because you’re worth it.”
My initial response? “What?!” “What” at the fact, that as predicted, Abba didn’t directly answer my question. But, He did, ever so tenderly touching my heart & speaking directly to the deepest places in my soul.
“Because you’re worth it.” Abba kept saying. “Despite all that has tried to impact your heart over the past few months & the trenches you’ve trekked through, you’re worth it & will always be worth it for Me to meet you & your heart. I met you in a way that you needed, redeemed promises & relationships in My way & My timing, because you’re worth it. & I will always & forever continue to meet you where you’re at, because you’ll always be worth it.”
& that was approximately the tenth billionth time in Oct that Holy Spirit came & wrecked me in an unexpected moment; in LAX, on Sunday at midnight, while I was eating choc chip cookies (because midnight snacks y’all). Abba is so goooood.
Reflecting on that moment whilst boarding my next flight, those words were on repeat in my ears. & it eventually reminded me of something one of my powerhouse youth girls said while preaching at youth this year, “out of everything & everyone around you, you are worthy of attention to have your circumstance met.” & that become my reality.
I started to understand why Abba showed up to redeem promises in my life in ways I had never seen before. I still don’t fully understand why everything that happened in Oct happened, or why redemption of promises happened in the three & a bit weeks I was away from my physical home in Oct, but I don’t need to. I know & fully trust that Abba’s ways are higher than my own, because He sees the full glorious tapestry of my life, while I only see small glimpses of it. & ultimately, Abba is the only One who fully knows what’s best for my heart as His hands are placed on it; only He knows the best way to touch it, bringing redemption & healing.
After describing a super cool story of Abba showing up for her & her heart when she did her Race, one of the things our squad mentor, Amy, challenged us with whilst at training camp was: ask yourself in everything “what if Abba loved you so much that…because He loves you?”
What if Abba loved me so much that He knew the best way to redeem relational promises was when I was in another country or on missions in another state of AUS, surrounded by an intentionally knit Kingdom family, because He deeply loves me & sees what my heart needs? What if Abba loved me so much that He knew what my heart needed & valued in a leadership team – intentionality, authenticity, trust, & communication, so He intentionally placed specific leaders in my life for next year who model this, all because He loves me? What if Abba loved me so much that He knew that I have been craving Kingdom family & community for such a long time, & made a way for that to happen, both in AUS & in my squad for next year, all within the month of Oct, all because He loves me? What if Abba loved me so much that He intentionally placed eight of the girls on my squad & one of our team leaders around me one night, to pray over me while I was crying healing tears after being legit wrecked by the Spirit, literally because Abba knew what my heart needed & redeemed another relational promise in my life, all because He loves me? I could keep going on.
Obviously, use that question in the right contexts. Abba doesn’t create bad situations to happen in our lives, because He is a good & just Father, & He never created us to feel hell. But it’s all about perspective & seeking & pursuing opportunity. What if Abba loved me so much that He knew my heart would be ready to step into & receive all of these redemptive promises in my life in Oct, so He provided these things through His timing, because He loves me & because I’m worth it. All the flipping feels.
So, yes. Training camp & the month of Oct 2019 changed my life. & there’s so many stories I could continue sharing for weeks. Abba wrecked me in the best possible way, & I’ll never be the same. It’s a cliche saying, but one of my best friends from church didn’t even recognise me when I first saw her since being back in AUS. In her eyes, I had glory shining upon me & had joy overflowing from my eyes (side note for self: that’s ironic because it fulfills part of d’wags prophetic word from both last year & this year).
& since coming back to AUS, it’s been hard knowing I’m a ‘new/different person’ living in an ‘old/familiar environment’, & it’s hard not being saturated in such an intentional Kingdom community. But hey, I know Abba will meet me & my heart where I’m at, because I will always be worth it.
– em
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UPDATE!
I am 54% funded (US$10,283) for next year! I only have US$8917 left to fundraise!! So blessed & thankful to everyone who has supported, both financially & non-financially.
Points for those journeying w me in prayer!
: prayer for health. I’ve been sick for almost two & a half weeks now. I thought I was better, but I am not
: prayer for rebuilt & strengthened relationships in AUS before I leave in eight weeks
: prayer for my squad family & leadership team. A whole heap of us are sick, are looking for jobs, are fundraising, or have situations happening in our lives. Prayer for continued unity, shalom, provision, & growth to cover & develop in us leading into next year
: prayer for wisdom & understanding regarding cultures we will be living in & openly communicating Jesus to next year. Prayer for open hearts, intentional conversations & relationships, & a discernment in the Spirit to come upon each of us that discipleship happens in the margins, & to start living that out now.
