This was the start to my day on March 15th, 2020-
I awoke at 5am from a dream. & was immediately greeted to the sound of our neighbors chickens waking up & making noise. I decided to get up early & spend time with Abba, & finish planning out what I was going to preach on that morning at church, in four hours.
Two hours later, we received an email detailing that all international World Race squads were to leave the field & head back home to the USA due to country borders closing & the way covid-19 was affecting the world. It was the most wise & safest option for us in the long-run, even though our Thailand community wasn’t affected by the virus. We thought we still had time to hang out with our host (whom we had only met the afternoon of the day before), & we were under the impression we would still have time to attend church that morning. An hour later, that changed.
We were informed that we had to leave that morning. & about 15mins later, we were informed we only had 15mins to pack up all our things & leave. On top of that, during that time, I personally had texts & calls back & forth regarding whether or not logistically I could go back to the USA with my squad family. I couldn’t. & that’s when grief kicked in & my heart shattered.
It sounds dramatic, but my whole life quite literally changed in the space of 15mins. I knew I had to say goodbye to our sweet Thailand host & say goodbye (but really ‘see you soon’) to the 30 people who I now call family- who I had been living life with. & I didn’t know how long I had with them until I said adiós & hoped on a flight back to AUS. I was in an unknown space, waiting for flights to be booked. & I legitimately was not okay.
Now, just over a week later, I am writing this from AUS, still navigating jet lag, lack of sleep, grief, isolation, thoughts of confusion & anxiety, re-entry, creating a new normal, living in a country that is going into lock down, & who has banned all international flights for the moment. My whole world has changed in a week, & honestly, I am not okay with it. I physically cannot even meet my own needs during this time, which makes me feel helpless. & I’m not a fan.
^here’s a photo of proof to show I’m alive in quarantine. & when you physically cannot even go for a walk outside (thanks AUS government), you have to improvise with bringing the outdoors in- an abundance of digital sunflowers to brighten your day(:
But aside from flowers, the thing that gets me through times like this, is holding onto the strength, endurance, & perseverance I have been equipped with throughout my life & my relationship with Abba during times of ‘crisis’.’ He is my hope. His hope is the anchor of my soul during hardship & turmoil. & the greatest conviction of my life will always be rooted in that He is good, no matter what I walk through.
As I’m about to hit half way of quarantine, a number of racers have expressed various perspectives through blogs & ig about ‘leaving the field’ & going home. This has made me think of what my perspective is. Is my perspective rooted in the victory & faith Abba stands in, or is it rooted in what is really the main virus of the world right now- fear.
In amongst all my thoughts about my unknown future- a physical unknown path that I am walking, quite literally, by faith at the moment, I’m still on the ‘race’, but the geographical location has changed. Even though I’m not a fan of being back in AUS (like, at all), it’s where I am positioned at the moment. So, I have a choice- do I choose to trust Abba’s perfect leadership for my life, or not? (Ironically, this is something I have been asking myself over the past month). Do I choose to adopt the perspective of seeking & pursuing the opportunity I can be walking in during this time, or not? Do I choose to be upgraded in my spirit & in wisdom, or not?
A sister & squad mate of mine recently spoke this truth to me- “girl, you literally have your own mission field that the rest of us 550+ missionaries in the USA don’t have right now.” & she’s right (thanks, Gel). I have a unique opportunity- an opportunity that only I know how to serve, help, & cultivate community & discipleship to those in need in the most effective way, as I’ve grown up in AUS- the rest of my squad have not.
Is it easy to adopt this perspective given the circumstances & feelings I have about being in AUS right now? No. But, will it be worth it to partner with the Spirit? Yes. Will it be a wrestle? Probably. Will it hurt? Probably, too. But that’s okay, because the Spirit is a comforter & healer, & I need to remind myself that.
Every racer that was brought home was ultimately the action of a re-positioning of an army. We weren’t sent home to do nothing. That would be a pointless way to diminish the fire in our spirit’s. It’s still month three of our race, right now, just in a country we didn’t expect. If anything, it’s within a country in which we know the most effective & appropriate way to share the gospel in the culture we grew up in- so that’s a small & mighty blessing.
But, ‘missionaries’ aren’t just the kingdom army. The kingdom army is everywhere. & in light of the world’s circumstance right now, I visibly see the rise & awakening of an army (lol, here’s our awakening c squad fam). But, the thing to realise is that in the season of the army awakening- the body of Christ awakening, we shouldn’t be waiting for Abba to move. That is also a pointless waiting game. Yes, wait for Him to speak to you about wisdom & clarity, but remember this-
We’re not waiting on the move of Abba, we are the move of Abba. Because just like Jesus had the Spirit living, breathing, & dwelling inside of him, we do too. & that is a promise. We are physical homes of the Spirit- His chosen dwelling place, so we are the move of Abba, are we not? When we walk, so does the Spirit, invading every atmosphere we walk into & connecting with how Abba is already moving in that atmosphere.
When we understand that we are the move of Abba in our current circumstance, we will begin to deeply understand that we have an opportunity to display the relentless love of Abba to a fearful society. & if we display His relentless love, we have an opportunity to display wild faith in the midst of turmoil.
Let’s be people who actively live out His relentless love & are expectant of wild faith to occur. This month in Thailand, a bulk of our ministry would have been around praying for the sick, witnessing healings & miracles, & then hosting a revival at the end of the month. I believe this will be a global occurrence, not just an occurrence that was & is happening in Thoen, Thailand. & even tonight, I heard a testimony about my friend who had the miraculous happen to him in the midst of the physical circumstance of the economy right now.
Are you willing to live out relentless love & wild faith? Are you willing to step into the active army who is standing in victory, resting under a banner of love & peace, & knows deeply that you too, carry the power & authority of Jesus in them, as you are a physical dwelling & resting place for the Spirit, changing every atmosphere you walk into?
We are the move of Abba. & the Spirit is moving, too. We will see revival. We will see relentless love rain down on our earth, & wild faith will & is sprouting up throughout the nations.
– em
ps, I have a few blog posts that I have yet to post from Malaysia, & will be posting in the next coming weeks, along with updates of my new ‘normal’ life. Our squad has no clue if we’ll be able to be re-launch back out on the international mission field yet…but we are hopeful it will happen. If not, I for sure know I will be going back out internationally at some point. There are a lot of unknowns, but our confidence remains in Abba, even when things aren’t clear, & that’s the hope we cling onto.
Hebrews 11:1.
Points for those journeying w me in prayer!
: prayer that our squad WILL be re-launched back out on the field, & that we WILL have the opportunity to continue our race internationally.
: continued unity & connection with my squad family & leadership team in the USA.
: prayer for a hedge of protection over each of my teammates’ minds, health, & other things. With being back in our home countries, most, if not all of us, have battled spiritual attack in some way, shape, or form.
: prayer for all the people we have befriended & invested into over the past two months in Indonesia & Malaysia. Their communities are facing the coronavirus too. Prayer for continued community to journey with them & invest into them even further, & for sound minds, abundance in whatever way they need it, & comfort during this time of uncertainty with their world.
: prayer that covid-19 will be miraculously diminished globally.
