Two weeks ago, I faced grief in four different situations, all within five days of each other. Two happened on the same day & the other two a few days later. & despite it being difficult & raw, I honestly can’t help but find joy through it, knowing that God will use it to further prepare me for the tough times I will encounter next year & in the future.
I’ve dealt with grief before. & this year may as well be titled ‘the year of grief’ for me. But through it, this year should also be called ‘the year to be equipped.’ & that’s exactly what Holy Spirit told me at the beginning of this year – that this year was an equipping year.
In my naivety *actual face palm moment*, I never put two & two together that to be equipped might mean facing difficult situations ultimately preparing me for higher & deeper levels of glory in the Kingdom. Not sure why I was blinded to this, especially as I’ve been through seasons similar to this in the past, but hey, it’s a good reminder & learning curve – thanks Abba (:
But seriously, tough situations are raw & real. & so often many people don’t talk about it, which can cause shame when we go through them, especially in ‘christian circles.’ It’s so often perceived that we have to ‘be happy’, or make sure we have ‘no issues’ in our lives. Sometimes we say we’re ‘good’ when sometimes what we’re really doing is suppressing our emotions & limping our way through life, not tending to the injury.
I’m not saying we confide in everyone – that’s foolish. There’s wisdom in guarding your heart & only bringing a select few into your immediate world. But what happens if we stopped to actually check out the limp we’re carrying around & tend to the part of us that needs our attention, self-love, & care?
When I was fourteen, I was on crutches for three months, which was soooo annoying. When you’re an elite athlete at the time, & one who lets their energy out through anaerobic activity, being on the sidelines & not competing in anything, then spending another couple of months in physio rehab was frustrating. I was pretty stoked when I could go back to playing sport haha, but if I had not taken the time to properly let all my ligaments, tendons, & muscles re-join together & re-strengthen, I wouldn’t be able to walk today. Sometimes tough situations need the same care & self-love.
What would happen if we flipped our mindsets & perceptions regarding things which emotionally cause hurt for us: from suppressing them, to honouring how we feel through self-love?
This is something Abba has been teaching me on a greater level.
Immediately after the first situation happened two weeks ago, I got asked, ‘how are you going to take care of yourself?’ Without a doubt in my mind my response was ‘I am going to honour how I feel. I won’t dwell in what I am feeling, but I am going to recognise & honour it, give it weight & not suppress it, because that’s the highest level of self-love I can give myself right now.’ Thankful to Abba & what He’s been teaching me, because that would not have been my response at the start of last year – I would have buried my head into uni work & ignored the ‘limp.’
To honour is to give respect. To honour is also to regard something as a rare opportunity.
Exodus 20 details how God spoke to Moses about the ten commandments. Through unpacking verse 12, talking about honouring parents, the Hebrew word for ‘honour’ stood out to me. We perceive this verse in western culture to respect your parents, do as they say & obey, etc. But the Hebrew definition goes oh so much deeper.
‘Kabad’, the Hebrew word for honour, means to be heavy, to give weight. It literally means to ‘give weight’ on both the positive & negative; to be grateful through the positive things & to let the negative be as significant as it needs to be – but ultimately, not to dwell in it. Honour what you feel & then place it at the feet of Jesus knowing He’s got you, He will never leave you, & He weaves His goodness into your life tapestry.
Reflecting on this & conversations with two pastors, the Hebrew word for honour can effectively apply to ourselves too, not just in the context of the above verse (I mean, ‘kabad’ is also used 106 times in the OT for various circumstances). We have an opportunity to show ourselves one of the highest forms of respect & self-love through giving weight to what we are feeling. When we suppress what we feel, we don’t allow ourselves to be honest with ourselves, with others, or with Abba, & our ‘limp’ becomes worse.
Matthew 5:4, blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Navigating through a process of giving weight to something is raw. It’s real. It’s confronting, because you’re accepting that something feels uncomfortable. But through it, there’s joy*. There’s comfort. There’s reassurance. Jesus had to go through a process of giving weight to his feelings in the garden of Gethsemane. He even admitted his soul was ‘deeply grieved’ (& for good reason too) at his situation (see Matt 26:36-46). However, Jesus also sat with the Father, wrestled some stuff out, prayed, & ultimately surrendered his will to God’s.
Let’s be people who view tough situations as a rare opportunity: a rare opportunity to give weight to it; to give ourselves the love & respect we deserve, allowing these seasons to equip & teach us about greater upgrades in our lives, journeying through it with Abba when we humbly surrender to Him things that are out of our control.
Revelation 21:4, ‘& He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; & there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain…’
We will never have the same opportunity in heaven that we have on earth of seeking Abba whilst we navigate hurt, because in heaven, there is no loss or pain. So why not consider it a joy* & embrace moments like this? Consider it a rare opportunity to bring an offering to Abba that you’ll never have the chance of doing in heaven.
Because when your perception changes & you embrace the tough situations, your character is built, your root system & identity in Abba is grown deeper, & the purest form of love & worship for the Father is released through seasons such as this.
*sidenote: when I say ‘joy’, I’m not talking about happiness. Happiness is a fleeting feeling – a feel good moment. But joy is deeper. Joy is everlasting. Joy is evident when you’re in the midst of hurt, & can still simultaneously feel peace knowing that He is working things out & weaving His goodness into it. Joy is a confidence that you can declare in the midst of it all that it is ‘well with your soul’, for you know in your heart where your hope & identity are found: in Jesus.
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UPDATE!
I am 43% funded (US$8280) for next year! SO THANKFUUUL for everyone who has prayed, supported, & encouraged! I only have US$10,920 left to fundraise, wooooo!!
Adopt-a-box! 33/100 boxes have been adopted. If EVERY box gets filled I will reach my next deadline of $10,000! For the details, check it out here, & keep an eye out on my instagram stories for weekly updates: https://www.instagram.com/p/ByCiQR7lVi6/
Here are some prayer points for those curious!
: prayer for rest & personal wisdom
: prayer for strengthened relationships in AUS before I leave
: prayer for my team mates with their prep journey’s/spiritual battles we are all facing at the moment. Pray that God will weave it into His tapestry to shape us & equip us for future circumstances
: prayer for training camp (which I go to in 40 days in the USA). Prayer for continued unity amongst our team
: prayer for those we will be walking alongside & journeying with overseas; prayer for softening of hearts to receive the love of Jesus, prayer for open doors where the doors would usually be shut, prayer for seeds to be sown, prayer for restoration & hope
: God’s continued provision in finances. My goal is to be fully funded by December (:
– em
