A sweet friend of mine sent me a video of Christine Caine straight up preaching fire yesterday. & at the beginning of the clip, Christine briefly touched on how her heart aches for individuals living within abusive environments during this pandemic. Ironically, this same sweet friend asked me last week what I was thankful for. After we ended our call last week, I genuinely thought about that question for a few minutes, & one of the things that came to mind was that I am thankful that I do not live within an abusive household amidst these lockdown restrictions. That’s one thing that is on the rise during this pandemic, globally, & it makes me sick.
& today, hearing Christine’s brief perspective of her lamenting heart, reminded me of a story from my time in Malaysia. & how I’ve been meaning to write this blog for a month now. So, sit & curl under a blanket (because it’s winter in Aus— someone in the US please send us spring weather), grab a cup of tea, & enjoy a story from my time in Malaysia.
Malaysia taught me a lot— about myself, about others, & about Abba. One big thing Malaysia taught me during my last week of ministry was that it taught me on a deeper level how to love the outcast well. & to always love them, regardless. Regardless of opinions others have overshadowed them with, & regardless of labels society has labelled them with.
Weekly during our time in Malaysia, one of the opportunities we had was teaching special needs children at a local school. Every day we were there, we would alternate classrooms & teach various levels. I, given my creative heart, settled in teaching art classes & integrating v basic English into the lesson (:
My second week in Malaysia, I fell unwell on one of the days I was supposed to teach, & ended up resting at home. But, when the group came back from teaching & were telling stories over lunch, a story from the day impacted me. & fear gripped my heart.
There’s a fine line between discipline & abuse when heated anger & frustration are involved. Given the pasts of some of the kids &/or the disabilities the children had at the school we were teaching at, some of them were a little mischief- possibly a little too mischief (but, hey— that’s the fun of being a kid, right?). &, some of them were just acting out of what they had experienced or seen from others in their life— acting in a way that expressed their emotions in nonverbal ways.
While we were eating lunch & listening to stories, both joy-filled & ones of difficulty, one of my squadmates was talking about how she was “startled” with one of the ways a particular teacher was disciplining specific kids in her classroom. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t the most effective or loving method ever. & hearing stories from it triggered & had me thinking about the difference between discipline & abuse, especially the comparison of healthy discipline rooted in the Kingdom.
The next time I went back to teach at school, my friend & teammate Austin— a speaker of truth, turned to me that morning & said, “Em, I want you to be challenged today. I don’t want you going into the classroom you were in last time— but I encourage you to be challenged with other levels.” I immediately turned & looked at him with a face of annoyance, even though I knew it was an encouragement from his heart (sorry, bro). Austin knew my fear, specifically of being in the specific classroom that I heard stories from a few days prior. & he knew the deep reasons why.
After we had morning hangout time with the kids before class started, I was determined to ask one of the teachers who taught kindergarten/prep to be with them for the day. BUT, Abba had other plans— which looking back, I am extremely grateful for.
During this time, our rad squad leader Morgan had joined us for ministry (SQL’s move around between teams during each month, & this was her week with us). & because it was her first time at the school, she immediately got placed into the younger classroom— the classroom that I had hoped for for the day. Thanks Mo— but actually, thankyouuu(:
The teacher whose classroom I didn’t want to be in, walked up to me & said, “Em, I would like you in my classroom.” *que my frustration with Abba* Thanks, God. I walked with her to class & prayed, ‘Abba, I need you to show up at this moment. Fill my heart with peace & show up tangibly in a form of comfort for me, (the teacher), & the kids.’
To begin the class, the teacher (let’s call her R*) pointed to all the kids & directly told me which kids were ‘good’, & which were ‘bad’— which kids were acting out of negative patterns & behaviours, & who needed discipline. I didn’t want to listen to R because the language she was using was favouring the ‘good’ over the ‘bad’ kids, with an underlying message, ‘don’t spend any time on the kids who are ‘bad’- just make sure they don’t leave their seat, & focus on the ‘good’ kids.’ My heart didn’t want to divide them (the ‘bad’ kids were already physically separated from the ‘good’ kids), but my heart was to unify them as a group, & to love them for who they are, regardless of their background.
Because that’s what Jesus does. He leaves the 99 for the 1, not the opposite way around. He loves, regardless.
I knew, having worked with youth from troubled past’s before, & from personal experience in my own life, the only way I would be able to impact each of the kids’ hearts sitting in this classroom was to love them, regardless. To love them the way Jesus would, breathing light & life into their broken heart of feeling outcast, at times abused, & feeling forgotten about.
So, that’s what I did— I followed Jesus in the classroom & let Him lead. I invested into & loved each kid equally, despite R telling me not to worry about the ‘bad’ kids multiple times throughout class.
Instead of ripping endless amounts of paper as a way to let her anger & emotions out, one of the precious girls in the class, labelled as ‘bad’, actually drew a drawing & ended up with an artwork by the end of class. & instead of stealing pencils from his mates, running out of class, or drawing aggressive lines, marking tables with pencils, a sweet boy also created an artwork, forming his creative imaginary city that we were drawing altogether as a class.
In the limited time R was in the class (she often left for administrative reasons), I also got to befriend her. We ended up talking about India— a place in her family background & a country deeply rooted in my heart to go to, & we ended up dancing & her teaching me cultural dances she learnt as a kid to the class. I was able to hear her story, listen to her dreams, hear her faith beliefs (she isn’t a follower of Jesus), & her heart behind being a teacher that was birthed in her heart over 20 years ago. Just like the kids in the classroom, R needed & wanted to be seen, known, & invested into. She craved to have Love poured into her, regardless.
I don’t share this story to tell you about what I did, because I didn’t do anything aside from hear the voice of Abba & be obedient & brave with stepping into that classroom that day. I tell this story to tell about what the Spirit did that day & how He can transform hearts & atmospheres, if you widen your perspective & invite Him in.
I was stared into by the eyes of a girl whose tendency was to rip paper & destroy things that were in her way, but instead, the Spirit connected with her & gave her peace & comfort in a room where she usually feels out of place, discouraged, & told she shouldn’t be invested into. I met a teacher of whom I had already judged in my mind & associated fear with, & I left with a friend whom we connected over Indian culture, art, dancing, & chats about faith (she even wanted me to come back the next day). I looked into the eyes of each child & saw sparks of joy (even momentary sparks of light, if it wasn’t constant) in their eyes from the Spirit as they left for lunch, hi-fiving me on their way out, & shouting, “thanks, teacher!” But, really, thanks to the og teacher, Holy Spirit.
Love moves mountains. Love touches hearts. Love— true Love, looks past the flesh & into the tender hearts & souls of people, recognizing their potential & gold, & calling it out.
Love scraps off labels people have put on you, & Love crowns you in your true identity— loved, worthy, seen, & a son/daughter of royalty.
How many people in our current pandemic need to be reminded of their true label— their true identity as loved, worthy, seen, & known? How many people could you love, regardless, touching lives through your friendship with the Spirit, shifting atmospheres, during this time?
Love, regardless. Always.
You’ll never know the impact otherwise.
*for privacy reasons, full names aren’t be mentioned.
Points for those journeying w me in prayer!
: prayer that our squad WILL be re-launched back out on the field, & that we WILL have the opportunity to continue our race, even if the route changes.
: continued unity & connection with my squad family & leadership team in the USA.
: prayer for a hedge of protection over each of my teammates’ minds & health & other things. With being back in our home countries, most, if not all of us, have battled spiritual attack in some way, shape, or form.
: prayer for all the people we have befriended & invested into over the past two months in Indonesia, Malaysia, & briefly in Thailand. Their communities are facing covid-19 too without resources of western culture. Prayer for continued community to journey with them & invest into them even further, & for sound minds, abundance in whatever way they need it, & comfort during this time of uncertainty with their world.
: prayer for financial provision/job opportunities in this temporary season of my life.
