July 14, 2017.
Forty-two sweaty, exhausted young adults gathered around a table in AIM’s lodge lobby. In session that night, we had talked about taking on the expectations that the leadership at AIM had laid out for us. Our squad breakout time was set apart to make the commitment before the Lord and before our squad that we will indeed hold ourselves accountable to such expectations.
This time was such a sweet space for me as I was able to verbally choose the Lord and choose my squad. As I sat before the Lord, He revealed to me all the choices I have had to make in my walk with Him and my walk in the World Race.
I said yes to the Lord. I dedicated my life to Him. It isn’t an easy thing to say yes to our God, as our human minds cannot fully fathom Him. And our human eyes cannot see Him. It’s a hard choice.
I said yes to the Race. I filled out the application, fundraised the money, bought the gear. Facing the judgement from others who expected me to go to college, I made the choice to step out from the norm and follow God’s plan for me. It’s a hard choice.
I said yes to Training Camp. I sweated, worshipped, prayed my way through ten days in the Georgia heat to become more equipped for the crazy mission of life. I chose the bucket showers and the port-a-potties, eating with my hands and hiking 4.4 miles, active listening and feedback giving/receiving. It’s a hard choice.
But I hadn’t chosen my team. Or my squad. Saying yes to something I did not understand and choosing something I did not yet see the purpose in challenged every human instinct I have. Throughout the week I was slowly shedding layers of doubt and opening up to the plans God has for me. I heard from God, “Emma if I am bringing you into this do you not think I will bring those best for you alongside you?” One of my teammates gave me a vision during an active listening session that illustrated exactly how my heart felt.
There is a field. One half of the field is in darkness. The other is in light. You are in the middle and I feel like God is just calling you into the light.
I was fighting the light. By battling the choice I had to make, I was battling the plan God had for me and the light that I could be living in. I was choosing the darkness, doubt that comes with darkness, instead of receiving the gift of light and freedom found in God and His plan. Walking into the light was not easy and it has required a huge ego check as I die to myself and die to my plans.
Earlier in the week Kate, our squad mentor, shared with us Psalms 23 – emphasizing verse 5. “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” Gathering together with my squad, I was reminded of the table. Each squadmate has an unconditional place at the table. The squad’s table. And the Lord’s table – if we choose to accept it.
I had chosen the Lord’s table, now I needed to choose my squad’s table. And in that sweet moment I pulled out the chair and sat down with my squad. Choosing to fight for each and every one of them. Choosing my team. Choosing the unknown. We each said to one another, “I will fight for you.” And I was able to confidently say those words knowing as I am fighting for each of them, the Lord is fighting for me. His ways are always higher than mine and though I do not know the purpose behind His plans yet, I will celebrate in the waiting. For it is in the waiting that I have learned to fight. To make the choice.
