I won’t lie, this week was crazy hard physically, emotionally, spiritually. Friday, the 4th, we moved to Dunamis. We left Mabi and Fabe and the house they made home, and we moved into the 1 room floor of Dunamis. We packed our stuff, deep cleaned, said our goodbyes, and on the road we went. When we arrived to Dunamis, my heart was not in the right place. I hated leaving. Don’t get me wrong, I was so excited to go do the Lords work somewhere new. BUT as it turns out, travel days are emotionally hard for me. So, Friday afternoon, we walked up the stairs of what’s originally an office space, picked out a spot on the floor, and unrolled our sleeping bags, and that was it. This plywood and 2 inches of personal space was my new home. We took a tour of Dunamis, and honestly the view was so beautiful. Unfortunately, at the time my heart wasn’t in the right place to appreciate the beauty. Fast forward, it’s Saturday , and we have to start a new ministry. This ministry was not like I had known ministry to be. I wasn’t in Pan de Vida anymore, or whatever Dorthy said ( sorry , wizard of oz reference. I couldn’t help myself ???) This time, we were doing manual labor. We built the foundation for a new building to go up at Dunamis. Not just any building, though. Remember how we’re sleeping on plywood in what’s supposed to be an office? Yeah, cool. The building we were working for is the guest house for mission teams to have a place to stay when they come be a part of Dunamis. Saturday consisted of digging myself a 5 foot hole, until my hands were so raw I couldn’t hold a shovel anymore. Thankfully, I have a really compassionate team who saw my hands, walked over, and got in the hole with me. We didn’t finish the hole that day. How sad, right ?? The rest of the week consisted of mixing concrete the ole fashioned way, pouring said concrete into the finished 5 foot holes, and in the flower bed to make a stone wall on it. The entire week, I struggled. I couldn’t understand why God had me doing this ; I thought on mission trips you shared Gods word and love with people. Not mix some concrete and dig holes, it didn’t make sense! A few days into the work, I was sitting down and drinking water when I heard the Lord. In my anger, frustration, even some humiliation, the Lord still loved me enough to talk to me, little ole me. He said “Emma, don’t you see? You ARE spreading My love. I picked you, because of your servant heart, to build this foundation. This is for My glory still. I’m allowing you to be the middle man in my bigger picture! You’re work here means something; you make a difference”. I was shook. I should have known that, but I’m human. I fail sometimes. I listen to my flesh instead of the Lord some days. It happens. But the Lord is so merciful, He drew near to me while I was following my selfish desires. So, as the week went on, looking ahead to more travel days, my heart was still struggling. This time I didn’t try to hide it; I was vulnerable and raw with the Lord. I told Him how okay I absolutely was NOT. And that’s okay, it’s okay to not be okay. The Lord doesn’t fix where you pretend to be, He fixes where you actually are. So, now it’s Thursday night, and we’re having worship on the roof at Dunamis. My heart, still struggling to be grateful and fruitful, was going to a worship session. It took one song, just one, for the Lord to overwhelm me. All week I hadn’t been okay, and the Lord heard me. He was just working in HIS time. The second song was played and the lyrics “when I thought I lost me, You knew where I left me, You are the defender of my heart” were sang. I just lost it. The Lord was always there with me this week. He never said “okay emma, you’re being a brat, you’re in timeout from me”. He is so so good and so so intentional, that nothing is wasted. Later that night, the Lord revealed to me in a brand new way that He is unchanging. Yeah, I know, I’ve always heard the Lord is the same yesterday, today, and forever, that’s awesome but it’s different when He tells you He never changed. Even though i changed, He did not. The Lords love for me hasn’t changed since He formed me. Through my entire testimony, the Lord longed for me. He chased me. He perused me. That didn’t change when I started loving Him, chasing Him,perusing Him. Even this week, when I was not okay, the Lord still loved me, unconditionally.
Now our work at Dunamis is over, and we’re getting ready to leave again. However, this time, I have a sweet reminder from the Lord that when I am weak, He is strong. He will never leave me or forsake me. He loves me, always has and always will. I have so much joy in my heart; this time, I am ready to go where He sends me.
