One month from today.
One month from today, I will once again say goodbye. I’ve done this (a lot of times…) so I can already predict what the next month will look like. Over the next month, I will slowly start saying goodbye to my people. I will hug them harder than usual, make sure they know how loved and cherished they are by me, and muster up the words from a shakey mouth to say “goodbye.”
In exactly one month, I will be getting on a bright and early flight from the teeny-tiny Roanoke airport to the colossal Atlanta airport. My family will follow me up the escalators and watch me enter the non-existent (Roanoke is small, y’all) TSA line. I will look at the agent with a smile and tears running down my cheeks and hand him my passport. I will turn around to wave at my parents. My mom and I will both be sobbing, my dad will have his arm around her and tell her I’ll be ok (ok, to be fair I’m not sure what he says in that exact moment, could be a hallelujah chorus?!?) He will then yell “Hey Hoff, don’t be a dumb ass!” I will turn around and wave and promise him that I won’t be a dumb ass. And then I’ll walk to my gate without looking back again, because if I look back I will lose it.
I feel that “goodbye pit” in my stomach as I write this. Tears are already flowing, seriously. I can feel it all. The goodbyes are far from unknown to me. But if you are my people and have been a part of these goodbyes in the past, you know I suck at them still. I sob, my nose runs, I physically feel like my heart is being ripped out of me and it is going to feel like for a little bit that I can’t get my heart back.
But then, Jesus.
He knows how to fix hearts. He knows mine really well. He is good at gathering the pieces and putting them back together. He is my resilience.
I know that people think I am crazy.
“Going overseas again? Are you ever going to be getting a real job? You really like to travel don’t you? Are you going to be a missionary forever? Leading 18 year olds for 9 months?? You signed up for this a few weeks ago????”
Yes, world I am CRAZY. I am crazy in love with this planet. I am crazy in love with people. I am crazy in love with adventure. I am crazy in love with joy, laughter, tears, and even pain. I’m crazy in love with the people of Colombia, Ecuador, Thailand, Cambodia, and Albania (and I don’t even know most of them yet!). I am crazy in love with the maker of the universe because the Maker is so crazy in love with me. AND I am CRAZY IN LOVE WITH 38 WOLRD-CHANGING 18ish YEAR OLDS!!!!!!
I am willing to risk it all for Love. I am willing to sit at that gate in the airport on September 1st and weep to my God about all the things He is asking me to leave behind. I will grieve the change of relationships and loss of hot showers. I will feel lonely, like I have just made a huge mistake. I’ll sip one of my last cups of high-dollar coffee and prepare my heart for 9 months of instant (shout out to all my 3in1 lovers, I’ll pour some out for you).
But then, Jesus.
He will take my tears and exchange them for joy. He will take my brokenness, my disgusting, self-serving, filthy flesh, and give me a crown of Glory and a robe fit for royalty, once again. He will take my loneliness and give me the peace in knowing the Prince of Peace.
I haven’t really processed much in the past few weeks. I honestly have been on auto-pilot since training camp. This being said…stay tuned for some super cool, well-written, highly emotional and spiritual blog about what’s going on inside my heart 😛
!!!! I love you people!!!!
**I am still in need of $3,500 to make this whole crazy thing happen! I am humbled to be asking for money again, but believing in miracles and ease in fundraising! You can donate from this page #taxdeduction or call/text me for more infos! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU**
(I already got to baptize one of my sweet girlies at training camp and it was PERFECT! Can’t wait to see what’s to come from these amazing humans!!)
