As I sat down to write a blog this evening, I opened a document I had started nearly 3 weeks ago thinking that I would pick up where I had left off. But as I read the dreary account of what the past few weeks had entailed, I realized that nothing I had written was encouraging in the least bit nor did it reflect the praises my heart has been singing. I am currently in the 6th month of the race and yes, there have been many hard and discouraging things that I could focus on. But why, when I serve a God that has been revealing Himself to me in new and astounding ways, would I CHOOSE to share things contrary to or that did not reflect this?
So here is a glimpse into my heart’s praises:
I struggled quite a bit in the beginning of the race with being okay. I struggled with resting in the Lord’s presence and with contentment. I found this to be frustrating to deal with because this is not the person I would describe myself as prior to the race and at home. However, in the past 3 months I have seen the Lord leading me into contentment during unrest and in to peace. Now, even in my “not okay” times I am finding myself to ultimately be okay because of the Lord.The words ‘home’ and ‘family’ are two very sacred words to me. For someone who may not have had the best home life, leaving home to travel and do mission work may seem like a dream, but for me it was more of a sacrifice to leave than it would have been to stay home for the year. I have the best of family so inviting others into that in the beginning of the race felt like a replacement. While my team just wanted to truly KNOW me, I pushed them away because I did not want them thinking that they would be replacing my family this year. I wanted to make sure that they knew by my attitude that my family is sacred to me and that while they might become my friends, they certainly were not going to become family. Praise God for not allowing me to keep a bad attitude and for teaching me what healthy relationships are. While my family are still people who I absolutely adore, I no longer hold them on thrones that they were never meant to be sitting on. Because I have allowed the Lord to shape my perspective of relationships and family, I now have 7 more sisters.
I’ve been dealing with anxiety for 5 years and as I continue to surrender it to the Lord, He continues to teach me ways to combat it. Worshiping through anxiety is my number one way to find peace. When you get in the presence of God, declaring Him to be bigger than the things you may be feeling, the enemy has to go. Another trick I use in helping with anxiety is journaling to sort out my thoughts and find the root of what may be causing it. I often find myself involuntarily singing “Turn your eyes upon Jesus” when I am in anxious circumstances. Turn your eyes upon Jesus Look full in His wonderful face And the things of earth will grow strangely dim In the light of His glory and grace.
I have struggled with anxiety for 5 years, but praise God that in the past 6 months I have learned so many methods combat it.
While these really are my heart’s praises, they are not always in the front of my mind or what I dwell on. Many times I focus on circumstantial issues or feelings, but I have been working on taking my thoughts captive and dwelling on things more beneficial. Just so you can laugh at my melodramatic self here is a portion of the blog I originally started.
“The midpoint. Month 4, 5 and 6 out of 9. Thailand, Myanmar, Thailand. Long, 24hr bus rides with border crossings and sleeping whenever you can on whatever is available. In the past two weeks I have had five different “homes” with five different “beds”. Everything I have is in backpack. My clean clothes and dirty clothes together in the same backpack. For Christmas I got bronchitis and a broken phone.”
Thank you for your gentle correction, Father.
