Over the past three months that I have been on the mission field the Lord has been calling me into new depths of my relationship with Him. Although this blog is simply a school assignment and I only need to write 1000 words on what the Lord has been doing in my life, I feel as though the there are not enough words to explain what all the Lord has taught and shown me. I have experienced the Lord’s faithfulness to provide in multiple ways including financially and emotionally. He has called me to live in joy and to surrender my flesh. While the Lord can work with anything including a prideful or stubborn heart, He desires us to operate out of a heart that is fully surrendered to his will. I have learned that surrender is not a one-time thing but a daily decision to say “Lord your ways are higher than my ways and I am committing myself to you. Have your way and give me a heart that desires things of you.” I could continue on about the numerous ways the Lord has grown me in the past 11 weeks, but I’d like to give you a detailed look at two of ways I have seen the Lord at work in my life recently.
Being away from my family has been a stretching experience for me, but it has not been a waste. The Lord has used each emotion felt and tear cried to draw me into dependence on Him. As I have been relying on the Lord for everything, He gifted me and intimacy with Him that I didn’t realize I was missing out on. These are a few of my words that I wrote to the Lord that best explain what intimacy with Him has been for me recently:
“Lord Jesus, I’m falling in love with you. I’m experiencing the sweetness it is to be your beloved, your bride. Daily, through creation, relationships, and intimacy with you I am experiencing your affection for me. And as your love for me becomes my reality I can’t do anything but fall more and more in love with you for it. When I’m on a chicken bus and the sun warms my skin as the wind meets my face cooling it right back down. When I am standing on a mountain in Los Corrales overlooking Parramos, Guatemala and numerous mountains You created. When I’m washing my hair and I am suddenly overwhelmed with your love for me. When I’m in conversation with Brooke and all we can do is talk about the promises that you’ve spoken over each of us. When I’m laying in a grassy field as I am doing now and all I can do is sing your praises. These moments, in the mundane of life, you are wooing me. Jesus, you may be the biggest flirt I know, but it’s working. I remember as a child a child being overwhelmed and even dreading the fact that someday in heaven all we will do is worship the Lord. That’s all? Forever? That’s a whole lot of worship. I mean sometimes 4 worship songs in church is nearly too long for me. And if heaven is supposed to be the best thing ever then surly there will be a water park in there too! Want to know how I know I’m in love with the Lord? Because I can’t think of anything I’d rather do for eternity than sit at the Father’s feet singing Holy, Holy, Holy. When a girl is in love she doesn’t care what her man is doing, she just wants to be in the same space as him. Jesus, I still think a water park made of gold would be really great, but if that’s not the case and heaven is you and me dancing and I get to worship you continually then I no longer fear heaven, for that’s all I want. Jesus, you have shown me that you are the great comforter, far better than the comfort I found through people. Right now, I am separated from the earthly comfort I find in my mom, but that’s what makes you a much better comforter and friend, I can’t be separated from you. Help me to stay here in my first love, in a place of awe and wonder for you.”
The second thing the Lord teaching me is to live in a place of remembrance. Remembrance of what He has taught me, where He has brought me. Remembrance of what he has done in my life and of His character, which is constant and unwavering. The following are lyrics from a song called ‘Remember’ that explain where my heart has been the past month.
“I have seen giants fall.
I have seen mountains move.
I have seen waters part because of You.
I remember, I remember
You have always been faithful to me.
I remember, I remember
Even when my own eyes could not see.
You were there, always there with me.”
Psalms 77:10-12 says, “And I said ‘This is my fate; the Most High has turned his hand against me.’ But then I recall all you have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago. They are constantly in thoughts.”
I will remember, Father. I will remember.
Thank you, Jesus, for all the ways you have worked in my life and for the new depths in which you are taking me. Thank for giving me a spirit that desires growth. While I will not always be 19 and on the World Race may I always stay in this place of love and desire for growth. Never let me forget where you have brought me and where I have seen you move. Here, in the never-changing character of our Heavenly Father and in remembrance of Him is where our faith is sustained, and rest is found. When you open yourself and invite the Holy Spirit to do something new, you never have to question if He’ll do it because HE WILL DO IT. The Lord desires our growth much more than we do and He is faithful to bring to completion what He begins.
