If you had told me last June that I would be going on the World Race, I would probably laugh in your face. Even just going on a mission trip at all. Mission trips never work out for me. Either I try to go for the wrong reasons, was too young, or the trip was canceled. It has been my dream ever since I was little to leave on a mission trip and serve the Lord wherever He has called me.
One of my best friends Caleb just finished his race last week and has been my biggest supporter. Around this time last year, he told me to apply. I kept saying these things never work out and got a little frustrated with him. Caleb’s next words were “Maybe because they weren’t the right one”. Those few words have echoed in my head over the past 12 months. I wasn’t in a great place with the Lord. I threw myself into the new leadership position with Dutch Bros and never made time for myself or made room for the Lord. The Lord constantly fought for me and I fought back. I didn’t care anymore, I had made myself and thought I was thriving. I was deteriorating and everyone around me saw and I didn’t care. I went from pursuing a relationship with Jesus to being lukewarm and I hated it. I couldn’t trust the Lord because I was too afraid of what would happen if i said yes. After living for myself, I knew it wasn’t right. I was joyless because only true joy comes from the Lord. I cut the toxic people from my life and went back to church. I finally laid my life down again and surrendered to the Lord. I felt like a weight lifted and I went on full Jesus camp high mode.
Around October, my best friend Tori invited me to her life group at Antioch Community Church where I attended their college group Awaken at Arizona State University. I had been going to Grace Community Church for over ten years and I couldn’t explain then or right now but something inside of me told me to go. I’ve come to realize that even though I’m a super extrovert, I get super shy and tend to panic in new church settings. I went with her and fell in love with the Lord over and over again every life group. I knew the Lord was telling me to stay. Right then should have been a huge clue that I was supposed to go on the race, seven people in that group went on the World Race lol.
For months, I felt the weight of the idea of the World Race sit on my shoulders. “Trust me, Emma” were the words that the Lord had spoken, but I couldn’t. I had an amazing job which I love, an amazing church, the best group of friends I have, and I was afraid. I have never been out of the country or gone on a mission trip outside of Arizona before. Why would the Lord send me? I didn’t have experience and I was too comfortable and too happy with where I was with my job and my life. I didn’t want to go and ridiculous as it sounds I prayed that I wouldn’t feel like I had to go and I would do something else. I imagine Jesus laughing and saying “Only if you knew what was to come”.
Do you ever have those sermons where you feel the pastor is preaching to you specifically? One night at Awaken in November, our topic was tough questions. I had written down was “Are you afraid of asking for something you don’t want”? And “If you don’t know, just do it and see what happens”. That night I went home and stayed up until 3am finishing my WR application. After praying so intently and finally listening to the Lord after all these months I accepted it and said yes to the Lord.
The next few weeks I had been so anxious for my phone interview, my last step to see if i got into the race or not. Out of fear I scheduled my interview for December 21st. Looking back I should have done it immediately after my application. The next day I got a call that I was accepted into the race! I cried so hard and was also Facetiming Caleb and freaking out. It is funny how you think you know what you’re supposed to do when really the Lord has different plans. Something that I wished so hard not to go on and now I was floating ready to serve the Lord.
I initially applied for October 2018 and then changed my mind because Africa was on my heart and switched to August 2018. But, I still felt uneasy because Nepal never left my mind. A month later I started to doubt the Lord and His calling. I didn’t believe I was called anymore and I felt stumped. I had many doubts about everything. I can’t have these foods, I’m legally blind without contacts/glasses how can I do that across the world, my sister is having a baby in October I can’t leave. I gave God many excuses on why I should go on a later race in 2020 and not now. I kept putting work first and the Lord last. In Awaken one night, I got wrecked spiritually. During response time, I felt like I needed to cry but I couldn’t. The Lord said “Why are you terrified? I am so much bigger than you fear”! Right after a girl came and asked if she could pray for me and affirmed the Race. This random girl who I have never met came and spoke from the Lord what He was doing in me. I was thrilled. I felt relieved and knew this was for me. Then I believed the lies again. Caleb Facetimed me one day while I was babysitting and he gave me a piece from the Lord, “Do you value your family or Me more”?. My heart broke. Why was I doubting and mistrusting the Lord? I sobbed in the car and drove around for miles because I was distraught. The Lord spoke to me and said “Remember that night at Awaken, what did I tell you”? And at that moment everything clicked.
I reapplied to find out I just needed to switch my application to a route that I wanted and start fundraising! There was a route that had 4 months of Africa and Nepal on it!!!! Obviously I chose that route! The Lord is so good and I am ever so thankful. I finally told my management last week and they were so excited to see my passions come to life. I was so excited to go but also so sad to see myself leave the one thing that I worked so hard for and all of the people I love. I finally told my trainers that I was stepping down in October and leaving in January. That has been one of the hardest things to do. I had been a trainer for over two years and three years total at this job I have loved so much. The Lord has taught me so much through the company and what it really means to love and give grace.
Here it is! The Lord has been faithful and I choose to believe His word over the lies that swarm me, He breaks me out of the storm and calls me Daughter. Whenever I feel that this is a huge mistake or I am not good enough He calls me good enough and speaks truth over me. I launch in January 2019 and come back November 2019! I cannot wait to serve the Lord with my whole being!
Two years ago I heard this prayer and have prayed it almost every night since, no matter how I feel.
Lord, please work in me, so you can work through me.
It has changed my life and I believe it will change you as well!
