Did you ever play tug of war as a kid? Usually it’s played at field games. It’s never been really fun to me. People are usually screaming. Your feet are usually slipping. Your hands feel like they are being sandpapered. And sometimes just when you feel like you’ve won, you’re being pulled back toward the line. You gain an inch, they gain two, until finally some inner strength is found on one side and victory is gained. I’ve never really found a tug of war victory sweet because I’m busy wiping mud off of me with my sandpapered, blistery hands which is hard because of my very numb arms. However, when I’m up against fear in a tug of war match, the victory is always sweet. In victory over fear, I’m too joyful looking at Christ to look at my hurting hands. I’m too busy trusting in Him to care about my numb arms. I’m too busy resting in truth to care about my muddy clothes. But the fight isn’t easy or fun, just like tug of war is never easy or fun.
Fear. It’s a word that has come up a lot in my life over the past year or so. I never used to think that I struggled with fear. I wasn’t afraid of anything, I thought. The first time I realized that I struggle with fear was over a year ago when I began to pray about and consider the World Race. It’s too hard. It’s too expensive. It’s just too much. These were all thoughts that began to swirl around in my head and my heart. These were the lies I began to listen to. I let myself believe I would never be enough to go on a mission trip like the World Race and that I would be better off sticking with more sure-fire plans.
As the months passed, The World Race was never not on my mind and in my heart. I would open my application frequently and mull over the questions, work on some of them then close it for later. Fears still swirled, lies were still believed. I think I was waiting for some neon flashing sign from the heavens saying “EMMA, GO!” even though in my heart that’s how it already felt. But still I let fear get the best of me for more and more months.
Finally after this almost year long tug-of-war with fear, after lots of encouragement, conversations, and prayer, I decided to finally step out. I hit send. You pretty much know the rest, because now here I am. It hasn’t been easy yet. I don’t think it ever will be and the fears still come. They just come now in different ways. Sometimes it’s when I’m driving down the road and I feel a literal hand clench my heart and a lie whispering “It’s TOO much, Emma.” When I post a fundraising post on Facebook and get 3 likes but notice that on my selfie, there were 52, I hear “they’re all sick of you asking them for money.” Or days pass and I can’t seem to put a blog into words and I hear “it’s because you have nothing important to say.” Or when I look at my family and friends and hear “They’re all gonna forget about you and are glad to be rid of you anyways”.
I hate the lies. I hate them with a passion, because they come in quietly and if I believe them for even a second, they grab a foothold. They make you think you’re alone. They make you think you’re unworthy, unlovable. They make you think you’re mistaken and that you’ve misheard God. I hate them. I pray that if you’re reading this, you’re recognizing the lies, the enemy in your life, trying to dissuade you, discourage you from who you are in Christ. You are a new creation, the old is gone and the new has come. You are redeemed. He cares for you. He has called you, chosen you, accepted you. He loves you. I pray that every time you hear a lie, you speak truth to combat the lies. Recognize the lies, fight the lies. Open your bible, read truth, learn it so that when those lies come you have the words stored up to fight the lies with the truth. You have God before you, Christ at your back, and the Holy Spirit within you for this tug of war match. You don’t need anything else!
A few nights ago, my friend and I sat on a couch and wrote down our fears approaching the World Race. I will share a few with you.
-not raising the money/preparing
-leaving family/friends behind. (FOMO) *which means fear of missing out if you weren’t aware.
-other MONEY
-not good enough/not Godly enough.
As I write them out loud to all of you, I see even more clearly how I have let these fears/lies sneak in. I’m thankful I know the truth though. Here is some:
-Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all of your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.”
Matthew 10:30-31: “But the very hairs on your head are all numbered, so do not fear for you are more valuable than many sparrows.”
In the KJV of the bible it says the words “Do not fear” about 144 times. (thanks Google). I think that if it’s in the bible one time, it’s pretty important, but to be in there 144 times. I think God is really telling us something.
So I just want to end with this, my new go-to verse.
2 Timothy 2:7 “For God gave us not a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control.”
I’m choosing to live in that, in Christ, instead of in my fears. I’m reading it like this “Emma, my daughter, I did not give you a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control.”
I don’t want to hear the lies, but if I do I want to drown them with truth.
Love you guys. Remember, Christ already won the tug of war against fear and lies for you. You don’t have to play the game anymore.
