The Lord has some weird ways of calling me to fast. As we left Mozambique last week, the Lord called me to fast. On Friday, our squad headed out on a sleeper bus (think Harry Potter 3’s “knight bus”) for debrief. I had decided to take out my contacts during the bus ride. My eyes needed some rest after 30 days of continuous wear. I tossed both of them out of the window and proceeded to put on my glasses… It was blurry. I tried cleaning my glasses… Still blurry. It was at that moment I realized that I could see out of my right eye. I stuck my finger on my eye to make sure I hadn’t missed my contact lens. Nope, no contact. Holy crap, Jesus healed my eye!
Over the last few years, my eye sight has gradually improved. Last March my eye doctor said my eyes were a good candidate for laser eye surgery. I told her that I was going to pray for Jesus to heal my eyes on the race. Here was that answer to prayer. The day before at widow ministry I had been talking to the Lord about wanting to have more faith in miraculous healings. I knew it was possible, but I wanted to know where my faith was lacking. This miracle absolutely blindsided me (pun intended).
To say I was excited would be an understatement. I knew that the Lord would bring healing to my left eye, but for that moment, I was ecstatic that my right eye could see without the aid of lenses. I kept being thinking of Acts 9 when Saul (AKA Paul) was struck blind by Jesus and then had fish scales pop out of his eyes when Ananias prayed for him. I couldn’t remember the exact story, but that’s how I felt.
The next day after we had arrived at our 2 day “layover” in Maputo, I asked one of my squad mates to pray for healing in my left eye. After the praying 2 or 3 times, he asked me if I was sure I wasn’t wearing a contact. I told him I had double checked the day before. He asked me to look off to the right… there was a contact lens in my eye. This was impossible, I had thrown 2 contacts out of that bus window.
It was hard not to feel discouraged in that moment. I needed to believe that there was some greater purpose. The next day the Lord pressed on me to go find the story of Saul/Paul and re-read it. As I’m reading this story, I get to a verse that had never impacted me before. In 9:9 Saul fasted for the 3 days that he couldn’t see.
“Really God? I’m about to go to debrief where there are vegetables instead of an overload of carbs and you want me to FAST? Okay, if this is what you want, I’ll do it”
I was going to fast for 3 days. I had never fasted for that long without food. I knew that this would be something I couldn’t do without the Lord’s help. I spent most of the day praying and looking up passages in the Bible about eyes, blindness and healing. I didn’t think that physical sight was the only point of this fast. It occurred to me that I needed to address areas that I was spiritually blind.
The following 3 days were difficult. I felt weak. It was difficult to resist the urge to be crabby or sleep for 72 hours, but I continually had to keep coming to the Lord to acknowledge my need for his strength. By the beginning of day 3 (noon Tuesday), I was getting anxious for revelation. I began free writing in my journal, asking the Lord to reveal my spiritual blindness.
Here’s where the revelation arrived:
“Maybe where I’m blind is how YOU see me and who You’ve created me to be. I’m blind to accept the truth people speak over me. Its time to acknowledge those truths and be thankful for who you created me to be and the gifts you’ve given me. I want to use the gifts you’ve given me to comfort the afflicted and to release those in bondage.”
Whenever people have been telling me where they see strength in me has been hard to accept. I don’t want to become arrogant. I don’t want to accept that I have been given gifts that don’t come naturally to other people. I’m finally realizing that accepting this identity doesn’t make me cocky. I want to be humble and continually acknowledge that it’s the Lord who instilled these gifts in me, but I am slapping God in the face every time that I try to brush off these truths.
Even though the fast is over, I know the Lord still has more to teach me through it. I know I still have areas that I’m blind, but the first set of fish scales have popped out. I’m still believing that my physical eye sight will be made whole, but for the moment it’s not as important as walking in this truth:
The Lord has made me a strong and powerful woman. I speak life. He has put words of power and truth in my mouth. I walk in grace and love (even when I fail). I am the freakin’ Juggernaut (a nickname from Julian).
Walk into your identity my friends.
